A Fine Line
by Zoe1078
Summary: Written for MargotTenser and the Tricky Raven Silent Auction. Her prompt was: Leah and Paul against the world/universe/destiny. Banner by goldengirl2707 of Printing Paws.
1. The Players

A/N: Written for MargotTenser and the Tricky Raven Silent Auction. Her prompt was: _Leah and Paul against the world/universe/destiny. _This was supposed to be a one-shot, but I'm way too long-winded, so instead it will be a short multi chaptered fic.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters are the property of their Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

X-x-x-x-X

There were long stretches of time when Leah Clearwater and Rachel Black could better be described as "frenemies" rather than friends. They were friends because of the amount of time they spent together playing as children or socializing as teens. They were enemies because Rachel's twin sister Rebecca considered Leah to be her best friend, while Rachel considered Rebecca to be hers. Rebecca didn't dislike her sister, but neither did she enjoy being a twin as much as Rachel did. Rachel loved sharing everything with her from their bedroom to their mother's womb to their faces, but Rebecca thought that sometimes it was nice to get a break from all the sharing. Nearly everyone confused them for each other. Rachel relished that fact, often wearing the same clothes or copying her sister's hairstyle to emphasize their sameness, while Rebecca got annoyed. Rachel didn't mind it when people called her by her sister's name or referred to her as "one of the Black twins". Rebecca hated it, and she longed for her own identity.

In fact, the first thing that Rebecca noticed about Leah was that she had no trouble telling them apart. The second was that she had her own room. Leah didn't have to share with anyone, not even when her baby brother was born. Moreover, Leah was perfectly happy to loan toys, games, and eventually, makeup and clothes to either twin. Rebecca thought Leah was generous. Rachel thought Leah was trying to steal her sister because she wasn't lucky enough to have one of her own.

Leah did have a second cousin who was close to their age, though. The first time they met Emily was the first time Rachel actually got mad at Leah. Until then, she quietly resented how close Leah and Rebecca had become, but Leah was never mean or snobby to either of them, and she always invited Rachel to play when she invited Rebecca. Leah talked to Rebecca more than she talked to her, but she never ignored Rachel or deliberately excluded her. To the outside observer, the three girls looked like great friends. They played together at recess, sat together in the cafeteria, and had sleepovers at each other's houses. When Emily came to visit, though, Leah introduced her as her best friend. Rachel was floored. How could Leah be so cruel to Rebecca? How could she demote her so casually, and directly to her face? Particularly for someone as dull and uninteresting as Emily?

But Rebecca didn't even seem to notice that she had been slighted. Rachel was perplexed and frustrated. She couldn't stand that her twin liked someone better than her. How could Rebecca bear knowing that Leah thought she was second best? Rebecca just shrugged and said that one day Leah would realize Emily was not a true friend, but that had never stopped Leah from being a good friend to Rebecca, and since when was this a competition anyway? Rachel was so caught up thinking about rivalries that she missed the first part of Rebecca's statement until much later. It took her a very long time, but eventually she noticed that Emily was even more jealous of Leah than she was.

Emily generally did a better job of hiding her envy from Leah than Rachel did. This was partly due to distance; the cousins didn't actually see each other very often since Emily lived in Neah Bay rather than La Push. It also helped that they directly competed for nothing. On the other hand, Rachel and Leah were frequently compared to one another (although not nearly as often as Rachel and Rebecca were, which Rachel never noticed, but bothered Rebecca to no end). In preschool Leah learned her letters first, but Rachel could write numbers legibly before Leah could. Soon Leah was reading boring books without pictures, while Rachel still wondered what planet Dr. Seuss lived on. But Rachel could do multiplication when Leah still forgot to carry the one. Meanwhile, their teachers noticed that their rivalry spurred each girl to strengthen their respective weaknesses in an attempt to catch up to the other. As a result, one or the other was always at the top of the class. It never occurred to Rachel that Leah kept competing with her to keep her from competing with her twin sister. After all, Rachel was a very sore loser, and Rebecca wanted nothing to do with competition.

As they moved from elementary to middle school, they continued honing their respective strengths against one another. Leah was a faster runner, but Rachel a more adept swimmer. Leah could play the piano beautifully, but Rachel had a better singing voice. Leah's hair was always silkier and thicker than Rachel's, but Rachel had a better selection of glosses that made her lips look shiny and full. Secretly, each girl thought the other was prettier.

The boys of La Push hotly debated the latter topic. Jacob declared that his sisters looked like trolls, and Seth said his sister was "just so Lee", the meaning of which Leah never quite determined. Sam Uley declared that Leah was the prettiest girl on the planet at age four, and for the rest of his life, he never wavered in that opinion. Everyone else thought all three girls were beautiful. Leah started developing sooner than the twins, which gave her a lead that lasted for all of middle school, but she noticed no one's attention but Sam's, so it hardly mattered to her. Rachel noticed, though, while she waited for curves to appear on her long, slender form.

It didn't help that their cousin Quil was constantly leaving dead bugs in their sheets, or that Embry became incoherent at the very sight of the twins, acts which were representative of the crushes each boy had on both girls that actually made them feel less attractive. On the other hand, Sam picked wildflowers and left them on Leah's porch, or asked to hold her hand as they walked home from school, or sweetly kissed her underneath the huge oak tree that bordered the schoolyard. Leah was the first girl in their grade to have a boyfriend that lasted longer than two weeks. She said yes when Sam asked her to be his girlfriend on the last day of school in sixth grade, and she didn't look at another boy for years.

Eventually, it wasn't just Quil and Embry who harassed Rachel and Rebecca. In class spitballs came flying out of nowhere, and they gained a list of annoying nicknames that they both hated. A boy named Ricky in the class above them was the leader of a small group of bullies. They picked on plenty of victims, but Rachel and Rebecca were the most common targets. Rebecca usually just rolled her eyes and turned her back on them, but the one time she was cornered and felt physically threatened, Rachel aimed the toes of her pointy, patent leather shoes into the groin of the nearest boy, and they backed off.

Leah, on the other hand, didn't have to defend herself at all. Sam was usually quite placid in nature, and in most cases he was as unflappable as Rebecca. But if anyone so much as looked at Leah the wrong way, he lost it. He was half a head taller than any other boy in school, even the ones older than he, and his father Joshua had taught him how to fight before he disappeared. Sam knew how to slam the heel of his hand into an opponent's nose in order to break it, how to jab someone in the throat so they couldn't breathe, and that he should place one foot slightly behind him to push off it when throwing a punch. He used every one of those skills in the schoolyard the afternoon that Ricky dropped a spider down Leah's shirt. Sam was suspended, but no one gave Leah any trouble after that.

The only kid on the reservation foolhardy enough to bother Leah was little Paul Lahote. He had been the toddler who made their baby brothers cry, the annoying little brat who tugged on their pigtails, and the snot-nosed kid who threw worms at all three of them. He was an equal-opportunity aggressor, and he made no exceptions. During a community picnic near the beach, he crawled under the table and tied Rebecca's shoes together. He glued Rachel's backpack zipper shut twice. He made it his life's mission to drench Leah with water whenever possible because he liked the way her shirt clung to her chest. Sam beat him up three times, but he didn't stop.

But then the bullies left the twins alone, because the worst possible thing happened. After a terrible accident came the most painful comparison of all. Leah had a mother, but Rachel and Rebecca did not. Leah was willing to share hers, and Sue started spending as much time with the twins as possible, inviting them to family dinners, dropping by their house with food, and asking about the little details of their lives. Rebecca took solace in the comfort she offered, but Rachel was only angry that Sarah wasn't there to do such things herself.

It somehow brought Rachel and Leah closer together. Leah never tried to tell Rachel that it would be okay, that the pain would pass in time, or that she needed to let go of some of her anger. She didn't treat her like a china doll, either. Everyone acted like they were walking on eggshells around the twins, but not Leah. When Rachel snapped at Leah, she snapped right back, and Rachel was relieved because it felt so normal. Leah also didn't avoid the girls like everyone else seemed to. She just agreed with Rachel that what had happened was truly awful and unfixable and distracted her when it was possible. Without Leah, Rachel would have been completely lost, because not only was her mother gone, but her father was drowning in grief, and Rebecca seemed to be pulling away as well.

During freshman year of high school, Rebecca started dating a white boy from Forks. His name was Ellis, and he was sixteen and owned his own car. He was a nice boy, and he distracted Rebecca out of her mourning, but Rachel felt abandoned when she needed her sister the most. The couple tried to set her up with one of his friends, but Rachel thought he was a creep and refused to see him again. After that, she started to feel like a third wheel around her own sister. She began to lean on Leah more and more, especially since she preferred the Clearwater house to her own. The two friends never stopped competing with one another, but now it was friendly.

Of course, Leah couldn't be there for Rachel at every second. She had her own life, and Sam took up a lot of her time. Friday and Saturday evenings were the worst, when Rebecca disappeared to Forks and Sam and Leah were on dates. Rachel tried to spend some time with her devastated younger brother, but she didn't know how to make him feel better. She had no reassuring words to give, nothing that would make the pain fade.

Things got a little better when Leah invited Rachel on a double date with Mason, one of Sam's lacrosse teammates. Rachel wasn't exactly enamored of him, but he was funny, friendly, and cute. A few dates later, he asked her to be his girlfriend. Rachel said yes despite the fact that Mason never looked at her the way Sam looked at Leah, and she was certain that she didn't look at him that way either. Even so, he provided a pleasant distraction. With him around, she no longer felt like an outsider.

High school progressed in an unremarkable fashion, and were it not for Sarah's absence, everything would have felt normal. But Rachel continued to be melancholy, Rebecca was increasingly distant, and watching them, Leah learned to value what she had. Perhaps the only good things to come out of Sarah's death were Leah's appreciation of her family and Rachel's drive. When Rachel looked around her, all she saw were memories of her mother: the coffee mug she used to drink out of every morning, the scarves she knitted for cold weather, books she bought but never had the chance to read. Rachel knew she couldn't stay in La Push forever, not like this. She needed an escape, and she knew how to get it. She would have to earn a scholarship so that she could go to college. Rebecca endorsed the plan, but Leah actually tried to help her make it happen. While Rachel helped Leah ace chemistry, Leah tutored Rachel in composition, her weakest subject. They did online AP classes together in the computer lab, Leah joined the environmental club that Rachel founded, and Leah even got Rachel a volunteering position at the hospital.

While the girls focused on their intellectual skills, their bodies grew up without any such cultivation. The twins found themselves growing into their gangly bodies, and Leah transformed from a pretty girl to a beautiful woman. Just about every boy on the reservation had a crush on at least one if not all three of the girls, but all of them were considered off limits due to their boyfriends. Somehow that didn't stop Paul. When he was a freshman and they were seniors, he had the audacity to hit on Leah. He had no qualms telling her that she was the finest girl he had ever laid eyes on, that Sam would never appreciate her the way he could, and that he would satisfy her like no one else ever could. She was floored by the hubris of the scrawny adolescent, and he suffered the beating of his life when Sam heard what he had said.

After graduation, the girls drifted apart. Rebecca and Rachel went to Hawaii for vacation, but only Rachel came home. She had thought Rebecca was coming to Washington State University with her, but Rebecca fell madly in love with a Hawaiian surfer, with the island itself, and the idea of escaping from the shadows of her sister and her mother's ghost. Rachel was heartbroken but turned her gaze to her future, vowing to build a life for herself that Sarah would have been proud of. Leah drove to Pullman with Billy and Jacob to move Rachel into her dorm.

Sam proposed on a beautiful day in August. Leah turned down an admission to the University of Washington to stay with him. He had also planned to go to the prestigious university, but his life had taken a strange turn when he disappeared for two weeks over the winter and returned several inches taller and a great deal angrier. No one seemed to know what, exactly, had happened, but Leah was so relieved at his return that she didn't push him for answers. She decided to commute to Peninsula College while Sam got a job with the council.

Two years passed. Sam and Leah moved into their own cabin. He began to renovate it, she decorated it, and they set a wedding date. Leah studied like crazy and was admitted into the nursing program, grateful that Rachel had taught her chemistry. She missed her old friends because Rebecca never came home, and Rachel visited only rarely, but she had her family, her fiancé, and a promising future. She was happy.

Then her life came apart at the seams.


	2. Played

Everything changed the day Emily came to visit. Sam was cuddling Leah on their living room couch. Bridal magazines and job applications were spread across the coffee table in front of them, and Leah was trying to find a picture of the flowers that she thought she might carry. Sam was distracting her. They hadn't had much time to plan the wedding. After completing her nursing degree she had spent all her free time studying for her licensing exam, which she just learned she passed. He brushed her hair away from her neck and kissed it with a wet smack. "It's here somewhere, I swear," she said.

He grabbed her before she could reach the issue she wanted. "I believe you." He pulled her back toward him, tucking her into his chest.

"Hey! Now I can't reach it," Leah protested.

He shoved the magazines onto the floor with his foot. "Yep. Now you definitely can't." He nibbled on the tasty skin of her exposed shoulder, pulling down the spaghetti strap of her camisole with his free hand. He kept her captive with his other arm around her waist.

"We need to figure this out!" she laughed as he kissed her newly bared skin.

"Later," he urged against her skin. She was too tempting. How was he supposed to concentrate in something as mundane as flowers when she was wearing that top? He peppered kisses everywhere he could reach.

He heard a smile in her voice. "The last time we tried to talk about the wedding, you hid the folder with all the numbers in it."

He pulled her other strap down and unclasped her bra. "You weren't complaining, though, were you?"

"Because you distracted me!" she protested as he flung her bra across the room. "What are you doing?"

"What does it feel like I'm doing?" He palmed her breasts, massaging her a little harder than he meant to, but she responded with a gasp that shot straight to his groin.

"Distracting me," she answered and halfheartedly tried to remove his hands. But now that he had her, he wasn't letting go. "Is it working?"

Her answer wasn't an answer. "Oh, Sam."

He rolled her underneath him, pinning her to the couch and securing her wrists above her head. He raked his eyes up and down her exposed body. She was gorgeous. "This is better than looking at pictures." He attacked her lips with kisses. "Unless you snuck nudes of yourself into those magazines, I don't want to look at pictures."

He kissed her until she couldn't think straight. She moaned and ran her fingers through his hair, conflicted. What he was doing felt wonderful, but the wedding was only two months away, and they weren't ready. "We have to get this done, though."

He leaned up just far enough to see her, but he didn't let go of her wrists. "Okay. What flowers do you want?" Before she could answer, he lowered himself far enough to take one of her nipples into his mouth.

"Oh god," she groaned. "D-dahlias."

He licked and suckled her hard until she cursed, and then he parted just long enough to ask, "Will they break the budget?"

She looked dazed underneath him. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips were swollen, and her pupils were dilated. He had her exactly where he wanted her. She had forgotten what they were talking about. "What?"

Sam dropped kisses all over her chest. In between, he explained, "The flowers... The dahlias... Will they... break the budget?" Then he scooted up and dropped his head into the crook of her neck and blew a raspberry loudly.

"No!" she giggled. She was terribly ticklish there. "No, no!"

He lifted his head and tickled her ribs. "No, stop it? Or no, we can afford it."

"Oh god!" she laughed hysterically. "Oh no!"

"No? No to what?" He kept tickling her, but this time he also nipped his teeth along her clavicle.

Tears streamed down her cheeks from laughing so hard. "Huh? Oh! Oh, both, I guess."

He released her and abruptly sat back, smirking at her as she reached for him. "Done. What do we need to do, tell the florist?"

She ran her hands up and down his forearms, eyeing his torso and licking her lips unconsciously. He knew she wanted him to take it off almost as much as he wanted to get her completely naked. "Uh, yeah. I kind of thought we'd skip all the extras and just do bouquets for me, Em, and Rachel. I'm assuming Becca can't make it back. The bouquets can mostly be fillers. Then it'll be really cheap."

He smoothed his hands along her flat belly. "You can get more than that if you want, baby." He didn't want her to feel like their day was anything less than spectacular. "You can have whatever you want." It wasn't true, exactly, because his council salary wasn't very large and she refused to allow her parents to spend their money, but he trusted her not to go overboard. She had already picked out a dress, which he hadn't seen but knew to be a simple white sundress instead of an expensive gown. Emily was to be her maid of honor, Rachel a bridesmaid, and they were going to wear black dresses they already owned. He would wear khakis and a dress shirt. She wasn't even making him wear a tie. Their venue was a large gazebo overlooking the ocean, and their reception would be in her parents' backyard. Leah and Emily were making cupcakes instead of buying an expensive wedding cake. So far she had spent almost nothing.

"Good. What I want is you." She had the softest expression on her face as she reached for him.

"Not as much as I want you, LeeLee," he said honestly. This time she distracted him with the sweet taste of her mouth and the sensuous touch of her fingers. He wanted to tease her, build her up until she begged, but once their clothes were discarded and she lay bare before him, he couldn't wait. He pushed inside of her and buried his face in her neck, relishing the sound of her whimper at his intrusion. He managed a deliberate, slow pace so that he could draw out her reaction, loving her sighs in his ear, the smooth slide of her skin against his, the irresistible grip of her sex. He resisted her attempts to rush him until she dug her fingernails into his ass and reminded him that her cousin would show up at any moment, and then he made it his goal to make her cum before they were interrupted. There was nothing better in the world than his beautiful girl falling apart because of him. At the end of every snap of his hips, he added a little grind that made her arch and moan. She cooed and clutched at him and began to shake. He changed his angle, finding the secret spot deep inside her that made her crazy, thrust hard, and held himself there. She reacted just as he hoped, clenching down on him as she cried out his name. He thought he might pass out from the pleasure. He wanted to hold out, but it was impossible. She was too beautiful, too enticing, too sexy, too loving, too much. He managed a guttural, "I love you," as he climaxed.

"I love you too," she whispered after. He knew he was crushing her, but he felt too good to move, and she had him pinned with her legs around his anyway. He hummed as she traced up and down his spine with her finger.

Then they heard the crunch of tires on gravel.

For the rest of his life, with what little remained of him, Sam wished that he hadn't answered the door. Neither of them should have opened it. He should have locked himself in the bedroom and waited until she left. It wouldn't have helped, of course, because he would have seen her that evening, or the day after that, or worse yet, at the wedding. But it didn't stop him from wishing for the impossible.

"Crap!" Leah squeaked and pushed him away. He fell out of her body reluctantly but pulled on his boxers and shorts hurriedly as he realized that Emily had already seen him through the window. Leah ran around the room gathering her discarded clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. "Can you let her in?"

Sam muttered to himself about irritating interruptions and annoying girls as he tried to figure out where his shirt had ended up. He hadn't seen Emily since she left for art school in California years ago. He barely remembered anything about her other than the fact that she had a tendency to stare at him until he was so uncomfortable that he had to leave. He wondered when he and Leah could be alone again. He was more than ready for round two, and he hoped for some privacy, but Emily was planning on staying for the whole weekend. She was going to monopolize Leah, he was sure of it. But she'd have to go to bed eventually, and then he could have Leah all to himself. He would have to make sure she stayed quiet, though, despite how much he loved the sounds she made when he made love to her. He sighed in frustration as a knock sounded on the front door.

"Coming," he called, taking a last, futile look around the room. He hadn't found his shirt, which had gotten shoved under the couch, so he just opened the door. Emily's jaw dropped open as she stared at his bare torso. He really wished he had found his shirt, and he felt deeply uncomfortable as he greeted her. Then she looked into his eyes, and something broke apart inside of him. He froze as he tried to gather himself, but by the time he regained the power of speech, the shattered pieces of his soul had fused back together in a disordered jumble, creating a stranger in his place.

X-x-x-x-X

He hid in the bedroom while Leah and Emily talked in the kitchen. He sat on the bed and looked at his hands, turning them over and back. Did they belong to him? He told his toes to wiggle, and they did. But why didn't they feel like his feet? He stared in the mirror above the dresser and examined himself. He raised one hand, and his reflection did the same. He put it back down. He didn't know what to do, so he did nothing. A small voice, his voice, he thought, said something in his brain. It sounded like it was yelling. But Her Voice drowned everything out. He stood still.

He listened to the conversation floating down the hallway. He heard two voices. One was as familiar to him as the back of his own hand. But the back of his hand wasn't familiar at all, or it didn't feel like it anyway. The other was... The Voice. Everything faded away except The Voice. He sat on the bed with a blank mind until The Voice named him. Oh, that was him. Sam. Samuel. Samuel Levi Uley. He had forgotten. His feet carried him to the kitchen.

She was there. She was there, staring at him, and he couldn't take his eyes off Her. A second passed, or a minute, or an hour. "Sam?" What was that? "Sammy?" There it was again. "Baby, are you okay?"

Somewhere inside, he recognized the sound of his own voice. He was screaming. He opened his mouth. Instead of a scream, out came, "Emily."

The Voice answered, "Yes?" Emily's eyes widened as she looked at him. "Sam?"

Inside he screamed louder. He cleared his throat. "Leah, you need to leave," he heard a male voice say. Where did it come from?

Leah chuckled uncomfortably. She didn't think he was serious. "Excuse me?"

He looked deep into Emily's eyes, and he saw his answer. Something deep inside him raged. "You heard me. You need to go. I need to talk to Emily."

"You what?" Leah didn't understand at all. The voice inside him started crying out her name.

But Emily's eyes held him fast. They didn't look away from each other. "You need to leave. You're not welcome here anymore." The speech sounded shockingly like his voice. A stranger's voice.

"I'm not... What?" Leah stood up and moved between him and Emily, blocking his view. A large, calloused hand reached out and pushed her to the side so that he could see Her eyes.

Oh yes. This was his voice. Or Her voice. It didn't matter. There was no difference. "You heard me. It's over. The wedding's off. It's over. We're over."

The screaming inside him turned into an anguished wail. Leah reached out for him, but he smoothly stepped out of the way. "Sammy, what are you talking about? Two hours ago you were telling me to get whatever flowers I wanted for the wedding. This morning you said you wanted your friend Jared to be the DJ at our reception. What are you talking about?"

He looked into Her eyes, and they were glittering. A little smile tugged at the corner of Her lip. They spoke. "I'm sorry." He didn't look at Leah. She wasn't really there. No one else was there, just Her. "I didn't mean to hurt you. But it's over." No one else existed anywhere, so it didn't matter if they got hurt. The voice inside his mind, the one screaming her name, begging to be heard, was slowly strangled.

He wasn't sure what happened after that. At some point, he was truly alone. He sat down and waited for Her to come back.

X-x-x-x-X

A/N: So, that was really hard to write on the tails of Found and Lost. Sorry to all the Sam lovers out there, and Emily lovers are in the wrong place (for basically all of my stories). But the Leah fans are in the right place, and the Paul fans too, though that's not obvious yet.

Something else worth noting is that I will probably not be able to maintain the once weekly posting schedule I committed to during past projects. Normally I write very far ahead of posting; due to the deadline of the Tricky Raven auction this one was more rushed. I'll do my best not to wait too long between chapters, and I promise I won't drop the story before it's complete.


	3. Friends

Leah moved back into her parents' house, bewildered and heartbroken. She tried to call him, but he wouldn't answer. The next day she found her things on her front porch, some neatly stacked in boxes, others tossed haphazardly into garbage bags. She left them there and returned to her childhood bedroom to cry, but then she remembered losing her virginity to Sam in that bed and went to the cliffs instead, staring at the ocean and taking comfort in its wild beauty.

She walked around in a daze similar to the strange blank place where Sam had recently found himself. His pain, though, was deep and gnawing. He could not recognize it, anesthetized as he was. She had no such protection. Her pain was at the surface. But she did have her family, her loving parents and her brother, while Sam barely remembered his own mother. Emily drew him in like a moth to a flame, and he was consumed, incinerated by the fire.

Leah reached out to Emily for support, and at first she received it. But that only lasted for a matter of days. After that, Leah couldn't even find her. Emily had ostensibly gone home to Neah Bay, but she wasn't picking up her phone. Her mother didn't seem to know where she was. Leah worried that something had happened to her until she got a cryptic voicemail from Emily wishing her the best, but that was all. Leah wondered if she had fallen into the same black hole where Sam had disappeared.

Instead, the only person she could reach was someone she hadn't seen in months. She received kind words from Rachel when she called to tell her the wedding was off. They had seen each other rarely since Rachel left for school, but during holidays when Rachel came home, they fell back into their friendship as if they had never been separated. Rachel had been through a breakup of her own a few months before, and they commiserated over their shared heartbreak. Although Rachel had not dated her boyfriend Nick nearly as long as Leah was with Sam, not even so long as the engagement had lasted, her breakup was just as traumatic. She had come home early one day to discover her roommate Cassie in bed with Nick. She had tossed his clothes out the front door and ended the relationship on the spot. He promised to be faithful, said that he would do anything to get her back, and begged her forgiveness. She told Leah that she was more interested in preserving her self-respect then she was about assuaging his guilt, and she refused to talk to him again. Her roommate slunk out of their apartment and Rachel didn't let her back in. She told Leah that eventually she realized that the man she thought she was in love with had never existed, but Leah didn't feel the same way about Sam. She had known him too long and too well to believe that everything he ever told her was a lie. If anything, this new Sam was the liar. But Rachel urged her to look forward, not back. Leah took her words to heart and tried to put Sam out of her mind. She couldn't do it yet, but she could imagine doing it someday, and that reassured her. She took her engagement ring off that day.

Any progress she made was reversed when she learned that a bear mauled Emily three weeks later. For a few minutes she forgot all about her own problems and rushed to her cousin's side. What she found rocked her to her core. Sam was sitting at Emily's bedside kissing her hand and murmuring words of love into her ear.

Was she imagining things, or was Emily smirking at her from across the room? Leah convinced herself that it could not be true. Her expression could not properly be read through her bandages. She fled the room before Sam noticed her, but she felt Emily's eyes on her retreating back. That night she called Rachel, who sighed and asked her if she had really not noticed how jealous Emily had always been of her relationship with Sam. Leah still refused to believe it. Emily was her best friend. It wasn't possible.

Then she found out that Emily moved into the cabin that she had so recently shared with Sam as soon as she was discharged. She was sleeping in the bed Leah had bought, on sheets that Leah had picked out, with Leah's fiancé. On the day Leah was supposed to get married to Sam, she learned they had gotten engaged.

For days, every time Leah woke up, she hoped that she would realize it was all a nightmare. Instead she found herself in her childhood bed instead of the queen she shared with Sam, and all she wanted to do was go back to sleep. One day while lying in bed staring at the ceiling, she overheard one half of a conversation that floored her. Her father was on the phone with someone, saying, "I know that, but she's my daughter! What do you expect me to say? He broke her heart!" There was a long pause. "She's my baby girl, and she's hurting. If it was one of your kids involved, how do you think you'd handle it? You'd tell them the truth! Don't try to tell me otherwise!" After a second, he slammed the phone down in the cradle with a curse. When she asked him what he was talking about, he couldn't meet her eyes, and he mumbled a non-answer and shuffled off. When he kept avoiding her gaze, she was certain he knew something he wasn't telling her, about Sam no less, and this time, it wasn't even for her own good. That knowledge hurt her almost as badly as Sam's betrayal, almost as badly as Emily's. If she couldn't count on her own parents, could she ever count on anyone? She wanted to go home, but apparently the cabin wasn't her home anymore. She didn't know where she belonged. She was adrift.

She couldn't stay here, not when she saw a reminder of Sam at every turn. Not when she looked at her own front porch and remembered Sam standing on it nervously holding a bunch of wildflowers to give her. Not when she drove to the community center only to pass the bench where he first kissed her. Not when she walked through the woods for solace only to see the "SU + LC" Sam had carved into a tree when they were fifteen. Not when she walked by the beach only to pass the spot where he proposed. Not when she pulled up to the general store to see Sam exiting with Emily on his arm, not when she had to see him kiss her bright pink scars, not when she saw Emily's smug, gloating smirk aimed right at her over Sam's shoulder.

She didn't believe her own eyes until she heard a voice mutter, "What a bitch," and turned to see Paul Lahote standing next to her car. He glanced at her. "He never deserved you, you know." Before she could respond, he was gone.

What made things worse was that Paul was wrong. Sam had been good to her, just as she had been good to him. It seemed he abruptly stopped loving her for no reason at all. They hadn't been fighting. He hadn't been getting cold feet. Neither of them had distanced themselves in any way from the other. She didn't understand what had happened, and she was beginning to think she never would.

As soon as she got home, she called Rachel in tears. Rachel cursed about Emily's spite, pointing out little signs of jealousy she had seen over the years. Leah realized she was right. She hadn't known it, but Emily had never been her friend. Then Rachel told her, "Screw both of them. He'll learn soon enough what he's gotten himself into, and he'll deserve every ounce of grief she gives him. Let them make each other miserable. Leave them behind and don't look back. You're hot, you're young, you're smart, and you've got a degree. Don't waste it. You don't have to be stuck on the Rez popping out babies."

"But I want babies," Leah sniffed.

"Great! Then get out of La Push so you can meet Mr. Right and get knocked up!" Rachel joked.

Leah wanted to cry again. "I thought I met Mr. Right. I grew up with him. I've never even thought about anyone else."

"I know you did, honey, but Sam obviously wasn't Mr. Right. If he was willing to do that to you, just wait until he does the same to Emily. Be glad you learned his true colors before the wedding and not after. Think about how much worse it would have been if you guys already had a kid! What a disaster!"

Leah took a deep breath. "You're right, you're right. I know it in my brain; my heart just hasn't figured it out yet."

"Of course! You're still there. How are you supposed to get over him when you see him everywhere? Get out of there! Come to Pullman! I've got a room and I need a roommate. I'm not letting Cassie back here, that's for sure. You should come! The market's bigger; it'll be easier to find a job here anyway."

Without thinking, Leah said, "That's… That's not a bad idea."

Rachel immediately sounded excited. "Yes! It's perfect! It'll be great! I can show you the city; you can meet other guys. What's keeping you in La Push? Nothing."

For the first time since the breakup, Leah could imagine something else. Something better. "You know, I really wanted to go to school to be a nurse practitioner, not just an RN. I kind of stopped gave up on it when I thought we were staying here for good, since there's no way to get the training here, but maybe… I think State has a program. Maybe I could get in. Or at least get my bachelor's. The associate's degree is only ever going to get me so far."

"That's it! That's perfect! You have to!"

And so she did. She didn't hesitate. There really was nothing keeping her in La Push. Her family would miss her, as she would them, but her parents had been disappointed when she turned down her admission to the University of Washington in favor of staying with Sam. Her mother, in particular, encouraged her to pursue a bachelor's degree so that she could then apply for a Master's program. She wanted to see her daughter succeed.

The very next week she packed her things into her old Toyota and said goodbye to her family. When she received a call from Sam's number as she was pulling away, she felt nauseous when it wasn't Sam calling to say goodbye or wish her well, it was Emily calling to say that they never meant to hurt Leah, that there was nothing she or Sam could have done to prevent what had happened, that it was fate, that as far as she was concerned, they were still friends, and she hoped there were no hard feelings between the two of them. Leah hung up on her without answering.

X-x-x-x-X

Pullman was a relief, and Rachel was a godsend. Leah was busy. Her parents were happy to cover her rent, but she didn't want to be reliant on them. She immediately began to look for a job. She also hoped to transfer to Washington State University during the winter semester since it was too late to apply for the fall, and she began to work on her application. If left to her own devices, she might have otherwise holed up in the apartment. Rachel wasn't about to let that happen. She made it her mission to take care of Leah, watching over her when she needed it, listening when Leah needed sympathy, and giving her tough love when the situation called for it. She took Leah everywhere whether or not she wanted to go. She signed her up for her kick boxing class, and Leah discovered an immense pleasure in trying to pound the stuffing out of a punching bag. She brought Leah to her book group even though Leah hadn't read the books. She dragged her out to shop for new bikinis, and then to their apartment complex's pool. She set a goal of taking Leah for a drink at every one of the town's bars. That was when she realized just how hopelessly naïve her new roommate was. Leah thought she was making friends when men asked her for her number, and seemed to have no idea that they were looking for something else. When Rachel told her how beautiful she was, she thought her friend was just being nice and didn't see it at all. She didn't think she was ugly, nor was she fishing for compliments. She was just too used to her own reflection to notice anything special about it.

She was no more aware when they started frequenting a dance club. Other than school functions, where she spent most of her time swaying in place with Sam, Leah had never been dancing. When Rachel cajoled her into going for the first time, she discovered that she loved it. She could pretend she was sexy, desirable, and confident, things she didn't feel but could imagine herself to be. Something about the throbbing bass and rhythmic beat centered her. She moved without thought, letting the music take control of her body. She honestly didn't notice the stares she garnered; she had had enough of the world and turned her attention inward. When Rachel pointed out the way men stared at her, she insisted they were looking at Rachel, not at her. She moved between dance partners like a leaf blowing in the wind, passing from one set of male arms to the next. But she never went home with them. She knew she wasn't ready. Rachel was a firm believer that the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else, but they both knew it was true for her but not for Leah. Leah didn't want to sleep with anyone until she was confident she wouldn't be thinking about Sam the whole time.

She still felt crippled by what had happened. No matter how attractive, how funny, how kind, or how interesting, every man fell into the category of Not Sam. He had been a part of her identity for so long that she didn't know how to define herself without him. She was so used to being half of a whole that she did not feel complete by herself. It wasn't just that he was her lover or her fiancé. In reality, it was he who had been her best friend since childhood, not Rachel, not Rebecca, and most definitely not Emily. She was used to telling him about her day, listening to him talk about his, making him laugh, and commiserating about their lives. Being without him wasn't just lonely; it felt foreign and wrong. He had been a huge part of her life, and his absence was a great void that she didn't know how to fill. Worse yet, she still had no idea what had happened. Had she been too clingy? She had never pushed for marriage, and he was the one who proposed and pressed to set a date. Was she actually too aloof? That couldn't be it; she was thrilled to spend the rest of her life with him and he knew it. Had she been unkind or neglectful? She was busy in the weeks leading up to final exams and her licensing test, but she had always set aside time for him, and he broke up with her after things settled down. Was he not attracted to her? His behavior on the day he ended things said otherwise, and they generally couldn't keep their hands off each other. Did she miss any signs of what was to come? Certainly things had never quite returned to normal after he disappeared. He worked at night sometimes, and she had yet to figure out exactly what he did. She knew there was something he had been keeping from her. It was the only thing they fought about. Maybe he had been going to see Emily the entire time. But she still didn't know. That was the worst part. She didn't understand, and she felt completely powerless. He wouldn't tell her what happened, so how could she have prevented it? She hated being so out of control.

It didn't help that Emily kept calling her. She never picked up the phone, but Emily would leave long, rambling voicemails consisting of half-hearted non-apologies about Sam being her soulmate and claiming to miss Leah's friendship. Sam never called, and Leah wondered if it was possible that he had completely forgotten her. She couldn't understand how he had dropped her so abruptly. She wondered if he knew that Emily kept calling. Leah finally blocked her number.

She was so grateful to Rachel for being a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, and a smile to remind her she wasn't alone. Slowly but surely, things got better. A month after moving, she found work in the pediatric wing of the local hospital. She fell in love with the job, and more specifically, with the kids. She discovered she had a knack for calming frightened parents and children alike. She was good at being strict when she needed to be or being loving and gentle if the situation called for it. She had a sharp memory and could juggle a dozen tasks at once. Emergency situations didn't phase her; she was able to focus on her job and play her role on a team seamlessly. In this way she gained a confidence that was new to her. She developed a facet of her identity that was hers and hers alone.

She also made new friends at work. No longer did she rely on Rachel as her sole support. She worked the night shift with a stable group of other nurses, clerks, and techs, and they came to know each other intimately. She often accepted their invitations to a local diner for breakfast after their shifts were over. She told them a little about her past, but mostly she avoided talking about Sam, Emily, and the abrupt nature in her change of circumstance. Because of that, her coworkers didn't look at her with pity. They thought she was a confident, hard-working, smart, and friendly young woman, not Sam's discarded lover. She realized that she liked the person they thought she was, and she thought that someday, this persona might actually become her reality.

In November, things really began to turn around. She received an admission to WSU, and even better, most of her credits would transfer. The first thing she did was to call her mother, who was even more excited than she was. Then Rachel took her out to celebrate. They went to their favorite Thai restaurant for dinner, their neighborhood pub for drinks, and the club to dance the night away.

As usual, Leah attracted the attention of most of the men in the building. But for the first time, she actually noticed it for what it was. At first she stuck close to Rachel, but she rapidly realized that that only increased the stares; Rachel was stunning, and the two of them made a striking pair. She headed to the bar to take a break and rehydrate. When she turned around with her pint, a stranger was blocking her exit and smiling down at her. She noticed his bright, white teeth before seeing anything else, and something about his smile drew her in. Then she took in the rest of him. He was a head taller than she, had a complexion the color of dark chocolate, and closely cropped black hair. He introduced himself as Adetayo, and she was immediately charmed by his accent. The fluttering in her stomach startled her so much that she actually put her hand over her belly, and he asked her if she was alright. She stammered that she was, and for the first time in months, she felt like she wasn't lying at all when she said it.

Two nights later, Leah went on her first date with a man that wasn't Sam Uley. He took her to a fancy restaurant that she couldn't have afforded on her own. At first she felt awkward, underdressed, and out of place, and then she remembered that her job had taught her how to talk to strangers, and she put on her workplace persona. She asked him about himself and made appropriate comments when the timing was right, and gradually she relaxed. She surprised herself by having a good time. He was funny, interesting, and seemed genuinely interested in her. She learned that Adetayo was only in town for another month. At the end of the semester, he would be returning home to Nigeria. It was simultaneously a disappointment and a relief. On the one hand, she genuinely enjoyed his company, and she would soon be deprived of it. On the other hand, his imminent departure took all the pressure off the situation. She was able to completely relax. She even enjoyed the gentle kiss he gave her at the end of the night. Inevitably, she compared it to Sam's. Although she didn't find it lacking, he picked up on her hesitance and didn't ask for more.

After that, they saw each other every few days. Their conversations lengthened, they learned one another's sense of humor, and their kisses became more heated. But they didn't move beyond that, because Leah had never viewed sex casually, and that hadn't changed. A month after meeting him, Leah gave him a ride to the airport, and they said their farewells in front of the security line. He kissed her until she was dizzy and expressed his regret that he had to leave. There was nothing for it, though, so she hadn't allowed herself to get too invested in him. It seemed he had not done quite so good job of separating his emotions. Still, they agreed to keep in touch, and then they said goodbye.

As Leah walked away, she knew that she would miss him, but more than that, she felt proud of herself for what she had done. She knew she wasn't over Sam yet, not by a longshot, but she knew she was much closer to being okay. Better yet, she realized she had learned a valuable lesson. She had grown up with the romantic, girlish belief that there was one person and one person only in the universe made for her, one person who was her perfect match. And she thought it was Sam Uley. Adetayo had opened her eyes to the truth. Not only were there other men in the world, but there were others with whom she could fall in love. She hadn't let herself, but had circumstances been different, she knew she might have. Moreover, she might have even built a life with him, and perhaps they could have been happy. The knowledge was revelatory. That very night, she tearfully wrote a letter to Sam detailing all the things she wished she could have said to him had he been willing to talk to her. Since he wasn't, she sealed it in an envelope, held the lit wick of a candle to the corner, and watched it burn. Then she wrote a second letter to Adetayo thanking him for what he had done for her, and she put it in the mail.

Leah anticipated a lonely holiday season; as the most junior nurse, she would work straight through. Although her family didn't celebrate Christmas in a religious fashion, they still exchanged gifts and enjoyed their time together. Rachel went home to see her father and brother; she was disappointed that Rebecca still hadn't made the trip back, and she felt guilty for leaving Leah behind, but Leah insisted she see her family.

Leah felt herself backsliding during Rachel's absence, missing her roommate, Adetayo, her parents, and her brother. She didn't bother putting up any decorations, unable to muster the energy. The most she could force herself to do was buy presents for her family and ship them home. As she drove back to her apartment after a long and exhausting night shift Christmas morning, she couldn't help but remember her last Christmas, waking up wrapped in Sam's arms while it was still dark, making love as the sun rose, and then heading to her parents' house to exchange presents before hosting Christmas dinner for both their families. She had slightly overcooked the ham, but Sue's side dishes were great, and everyone had a wonderful time. She got sick to her stomach knowing that Emily had taken her place this year. As she passed her local pub on her way home, she wished it was open so she could get drunk enough to fall asleep before she had to go back to the hospital. She hadn't planned well enough to stock her liquor cabinet; all she had at home were two beers.

She was so upset that she didn't notice the music wafting from behind her closed apartment door, but as soon as she opened it, her brother nearly tackled her into the opposite wall with a tight hug. "Merry Christmas, Lee!" She looked behind Seth to see her parents standing in front of a fully decorated pine tree with presents in their hands. Leah couldn't remember the last time she was so relieved.

The entire family stayed for six days. Sue was working New Year's Eve, but Harry's office was closed for the holiday, and Seth had nothing to do until school started again. Sue took Leah "back to school shopping", and Harry had breakfast waiting for her at the end of every night shift. Seth brought his Wii and roundly beat Leah playing Mario Kart until she got used to the steering controls, and then she gave him real competition. By the time they left, she was looking forward to starting classes, and Rachel had returned.

When the semester started, she was too busy to be depressed. She had classes every weekday plus overnight shifts every Friday and Saturday night. She studied like crazy during the week to compensate for her lack of weekend time, and it somewhat limited her social life. But Rachel refused to let her live in the library, and she made new friends in her classes. She also finally recognized men's attraction for what it was; no longer did she miss basic cues or mistake offers to get coffee for overtures of friendship.

After her experience with Adetayo, she even had the courage to accept some of their offers. One was a terrible failure that she turned into a funny story with which to entertain Rachel. Another she thought would make a better friend than boyfriend, which he didn't agree with at all. The third, Jonathan, she wanted to see again. He didn't quite make her stomach flutter the way Adetayo had, but she found his bright blue eyes pleasantly distracting, and he could make her laugh. They were supposed to have dinner and see a movie, but they liked talking to each other so much that they never made it to the movie. It was a good beginning, and she looked forward to a second date. He invited her back to his apartment, which she declined. She didn't feel ready for anything other than kissing. She still involuntarily compared his touch to Sam's, and she didn't think it was fair to him. Her work schedule helped her on this front; she had a shift that very night, so she didn't have to come up with an excuse in order to turn him down. They set another date for two weeks later; she was heading home for mid-winter break, and they would see each other when she got back.

As she drove west, she became increasingly nervous. She couldn't figure out how to feel when she passed the sign at the side of the road welcoming her to Forks. Memories rushed at her, overwhelming her in a way that had not happened since she had left. Tears pricked at her eyes when she passed the floral shop where she would have purchased her wedding bouquet, but she did not let them fall. But when she arrived in La Push and passed the turn off that led to the cabin she shared with Sam, there was no holding them back. She had to pull over on the side of the road because she wasn't safe to drive. She hadn't wept over him in months, so all her emotions came pouring forth. It wasn't until an old black sedan slowed down and stopped in the shoulder in front of her that she gathered herself together. She hurriedly put her car back into gear and pulled back onto the road, glancing in embarrassment into the interior of the other car as she passed. Paul Lahote sat there watching her pass by.

By the time she parked in her parents' driveway, her tears had dried, but her eyes were still puffy and red. Her mother enveloped her in a comforting hug as soon as she walked in the door. She couldn't say she was glad to be home, but she was definitely glad to see her family. Unfortunately, while Seth and Sue were simply glad of her presence, something else hid behind her father's eyes. He disappeared unexpectedly in the evening, claiming tribal business, and neither Sue nor Seth knew quite what he was doing. She was even more suspicious on the second night she was home. The phone rang at two AM, and minutes later the garage door opened and closed. She looked out the window and saw his car pulling away. She was perplexed. When she asked him what he was doing the next morning, he gave an evasive answer. That morning she and Seth had started to feel ill, and she didn't have the energy to press him on it. But the next day, when the phone rang and she answered it to find Sam asking for her father, she lost it. Sam hadn't spoken a single word to her since he kicked her out their cabin. Now the only thing he had to say to her was, "Oh, I... I didn't know you were home. Is your father around?"

By now she expected no answers from Sam, but she thought that her father, at least, would tell her what was going on. He made a halfhearted attempt at saying that he still had to talk to Sam about council matters, and she knew he was leaving something out. She was livid. She might have stormed out of the house in a rage had she not felt so ill. Sue pulled her aside in the middle of a rant she was directing at her father. Her mother looked at her flushed skin and placed her hand against her for head. "Sweetheart, you're burning up!" She ran to get a thermometer, and Leah's temperature was up to 104.8. Sue handed her Tylenol, Advil, and sent her to bed. If it weren't for the nightmares that plagued her all night long, dreams of Sam's blank eyes and cold voice, she would have thought she didn't sleep at all. She prayed for the morning to come and bring her relief.

The sun did rise, but the new dawn brought her nothing but torment. She spent the next few days in a delirious, febrile blur. As her temperature climbed, she drifted in and out of consciousness. She was plagued by visions, disjointed and frightening. She saw shadows of huge, imposing, faceless men, of blood, of red eyes, of fear. She heard the sound of screams and wasn't sure if they came from her or from some tormented stranger.

From time to time, voices would break through her confusion and she would hear her parents arguing. Sue wanted to take her and Seth to the hospital, but Harry forbade it. Sue was stunned into silence. He had never said such a thing before, and she wasn't the type of woman to follow an order she thought was senseless. Her children both had temperatures she had never seen before. Moreover, she was afraid that whatever ailed them would be fatal if left untreated. Leah couldn't hear exactly what happened after that, but no one tried to move her. She fell back into a fever dream.

She felt like she was slowly being torn apart, and every inch of her skin was on fire. She was simultaneously ravenous but completely nauseated, and she was unable to hold down anything other than broth. On the rare occasions she tried to leave her bed, her legs wobbled like an infant's, and she fell. The world spun around her, and she felt like her axis had shifted. Her head throbbed, and even the dimmest of lights burned her eyes.

She prayed for it to end, but when it finally did, she wished the physical pain would return and drown out her emotional pain.

X-x-x-x-X

A/N: Thanks to my fabulous beta, Babs81410, who has generously agreed to take time out of her busy schedule to proofread yet another story.


	4. Family

Leah was having a passing moment of lucidity. She had no idea what day it was, nor what time. She reached with one sore arm to pull aside the curtain, and from the look of the sky, it was early morning. A light rain pattered against her window, but the sound was like machine-gun fire in her ears. She reached for her phone, checking the date, and in a panic realized that she needed to go to work. Three days had slipped by without her knowledge.

She was coordinated enough to rise from the bed and walk, but not coherent enough to formulate good judgment. She decided that if she left immediately, she could make it back to Pullman in time to begin her shift. She glanced at her suitcase, which was in disarray, and hastily began to shove clothing into it. Her father appeared in the doorway. "Leah? What are you doing?"

"I've got to go, dad. I'm due at work in just a few hours."

He approached her and examined her closely. "You think you can work like this? You're very sick, honey." He put his hand to her forehead.

The touch irritated her, and she batted his hand away. "Quit it! I'm fine!"

But she clearly was not. Harry tried to reason with her. "You're still burning up. There is no way you can operate heavy machinery like your car, let alone get all the way back to the other side of the state. And going to work? Not possible."

"They're counting on me," she insisted stubbornly. "I haven't missed a single shift since I've taken this job, and I'm not about to start now."

He tried to appeal to her sense of responsibility. "Let's just say you could get back. You still have a terrible fever. Would you want to give whatever it is you've got to those kids you take care of? You've got to be contagious!"

For some reason, she couldn't stand being contradicted. She knew she was being irrational, but she absolutely had to get out of the house. "You think you know better than me? I'm a nurse! You think you know better than I do?"

He held his hands up in an attempt to placate her. "Of course you're an excellent nurse. But you're confused. You're sick, and you're not thinking straight."

Now she thought he was patronizing her, and it filled her with inexplicable rage. "Screw you!" She slammed the lid of her suitcase down, but it wouldn't close. Too many things were sticking out of it. She wanted to tear it apart in frustration. "I know exactly what I'm doing!"

As he tried to calm her, she frantically mashed the suitcase closed and yanked it up. Then she stormed down the stairs. Harry followed her, asking for Sue's help as he passed their bedroom.

"Lee?" Seth sat up groggily from where he had been lying on the couch. "What's going on?"

"I'm leaving," she answered, reaching for the doorknob.

Sue's voice rang out from the top of the stairs. "No you are not, young lady! You're in no shape to go anywhere. Get back in bed."

"You can't tell me what to do!" she yelled back petulantly. "I'm not a child anymore!" Her father reached out to take the suitcase out of her hand. She yanked it back, snarling, "Quit it! You don't want me here anyway! You won't tell me what the hell is going on, and you can hardly look me in the eye. I'll make it easy for you and leave! I'll go back where I'm wanted."

Harry got a hand on the strap. "Of course I want you here," he said gently.

But Leah wasn't listening. In fact, she could hardly hear what he was saying. The blood rushing through her ears sounded like a hurricane. It felt like a thousand spiders were crawling all over her body. She had to get outside. She yanked the suitcase back, but he maintained his grip. "God damn it, let go!"

When it was clear that he wouldn't, she abruptly released the handle, and he fell backward, the suitcase landing on his chest. Sue was horrified. "Leah! What did you just do?"

"What I had to! I'm going to be late!" She began to tremble. A fuse was burning inside her. She could feel it.

As Harry set aside the suitcase and stood, he answered firmly, "No you're not. Your mom called Rachel, and she put me us touch with the hospital."

"I told them you're too sick to come in," Sue explained. "In fact, you're too sick to stay here, you and your brother both. I know what a sick patient looks like, and I can't get your fevers down. I'm taking you to the hospital. Both of you."

Harry glanced at Seth with a worried expression. "That's not necessary. You can take care of them at home," he insisted.

"I'm not doing a very good job of it so far, am I?" Sue threw her hands up in exasperation.

"Doesn't matter," Leah snapped. She couldn't see straight. Her vision blurred, and she thought every cell in her body would rupture. Her trembling turned into violent shaking. "I'm not going to this hospital; I'm going to my own. I'm out of here." She gave up on her suitcase. She would drive back without it. She started to open the front door, but her father reached around her to shove it closed again, and she lost it.

Leah exploded, slamming into her father. She landed on her hands and knees. She screamed, but all she heard was a terrible howl. She looked up to find the source of the awful sound, and she saw Seth fall backward, landing on the floor. He began to scramble away from her. She heard a second scream, and she turned to see her mother shrieking. Then she registered what was happening to her father. He had collapsed to the floor, clutching at his chest.

She heard a voice. _Shit, who's that? What the hell is going on?_ _Is that Harry Clearwater? _A vision appeared in her mind. It was twilight, and there was a forest. What was she seeing?

She turned around frantically, looking for the source of the unfamiliar voice and seeing the dual, impossible visions, one of the interior of her house, the other of the mysterious forest. As she did so, she tripped over her own feet. She looked down. Instead of feet and hands, she saw grey fur, huge paws, and deadly claws. She screamed again, and once more she heard the terrifying howl.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god..." That was her mother.

Then a third vision appeared, and with it, a new feeling of terror. She saw another view of the inside of her own house, Harry on the floor, and Sue bending down to him. Above them loomed a huge grey wolf. She felt another presence, but this one did not use recognizable words. Instead she saw impossible pictures that could not be real.

_Hey, whoever the hell you are, calm down and get out of there!_ the other voice spoke.

Leah looked up to see Sue trying to drag Harry away. She shook her head to try to clear her vision. She was seeing this twice from two different perspectives, and the forest was still rushing past. Her father had turned bright red and was gasping for air. He was covered in a sheen of sweat, and his eyes were huge. Worse than that, approaching them was another wolf, a light brown one even bigger than the last. Leah fell backward trying to get out of its way.

_Seth? Is that you?_ the other voice asked.

The light brown wolf started to bark, and from somewhere unknown she heard Seth say, _Yeah, it's me!_

She couldn't see her brother anywhere. Where had Seth gone? _Seth? Where are you?_ she asked. Simultaneously she heard more barking, but the brown wolf's mouth hadn't moved.

Leah twisted around again, looking for the sources of the sounds. She saw the larger wolf turn around as well. She didn't know what was going on, but she would use its distraction to help her father, who was beginning to turn purple. She reached out her hand, placing it on his wrist to check his pulse. She tore right through his shirtsleeve. Her mother screamed at her to back away, throwing herself protectively over Harry. She would have been hurt by her mother's actions, but she was too stunned by the claw in front of her face. Then the other wolf slammed into her side, sending her crashing into the small table by the front door, smashing it to pieces.

_Get away from my dad!_ Seth screamed as the brown wolf began to snarl. Leah looked about frantically, trying to spot him, and she tried to shove the wolf off her.

The voice yelled, _Get outside! For the love of god, get outside! Break the door down if you have to, but get outside!_

_Who are you?_ she demanded. _What's going on?_

_It's me! It's Paul!_ the voice answered.

At the same time she heard her brother. _Seth! I'm Seth!_

She took a swipe at the light brown wolf, who reared back before she could land a blow. As she stared at the paw moving in front of her, she slowly realized it belonged to her. She tried to ignore the vision of the forest rushing past her eyes.

Seth called out, _Paul? Lahote? Where are you? I can't see you!_

_I can't see either of you!_ Leah cried, stumbling away from the brown wolf and her parents cowering on the floor. She couldn't see past her mother's body, but she heard her father gasping for air.

_Get out of the house!_ Paul yelled again. _Do it now, and I'll meet you outside. I'll explain everything, I promise, but get out before you hurt someone!_

The brown wolf looked between the door and Sue and Harry. _How?_ Seth asked plaintively.

_Seth?_ Leah asked. She was beginning to understand.

The sandy wolf looked back at her. _Lee?_

_Leah? Leah Clearwater?_ They heard the disbelief in Paul's voice. _That isn't possible._

She screamed, _No shit! None of this is possible! Tell us what the hell is going on!_

Paul lost what little patience he had, and he growled, _Get outside now! Break down the god damned door. Now!_

Leah blinked at Seth, and then she flung herself at the door. It splintered upon impact, and then she was on the porch and in the yard. She heard Seth running out behind her, and she saw a vision of a grey wolf running into the yard. That must be her.

_Yeah, that's it. That's you,_ Paul explained. _I'm coming to get you guys, I promise. Get into the woods behind your house before someone sees you._

Leah took one look back into her house. Her father was lying still on the floor, and her mother had run to the phone to call 911. _But, our dad!_

_Get into the woods now!_ Paul insisted. _You can't help him, not like this. You'll only make things worse. Move!_

Leah obeyed, and Seth followed behind. They cowered in the woods, staring in terror into their house. They couldn't see anything, but they heard it when Sue got on the line with the emergency dispatcher. They didn't know whether to be more terrified about what was going on inside or what was happening to them.

_Paul? Why can I hear you? Why can we hear each other? Where are you?_ Leah asked.

He answered, _I'm coming to you. Just hold on. Can you see where I am? You can tell I'm running, right?_

Seth answered,_ Yeah, that's you, huh?_

_Uh huh._

_How can we hear you when you're so far away? _Leah repeated.

_It's so we can keep in touch, communicate properly, when we're wolves. _

_Wolves? _Seth asked, pacing back and forth in agitation, glaring warily between the house and Leah.

_I know it sounds unbelievable, _Paul answered.

Leah insisted, _It's not unbelievable. It means I've gone certifiably insane. I've lost my mind! You can't both be in my brain like this, and we're not wolves, we're people!_

_We are people, _Paul clarified, _but we're also shifters. Do you remember the legends? About being descended from wolves? About Taha Aki and his sons?_

_That's what's going on? _Seth asked as he recalled the stories that Billy told by firelight.

As Paul tried to answer, Leah snapped, _No! None of this is happening. But that's probably why I'm dreaming this all up. My subconscious must have locked onto that. I'm still sick, lying in bed, hallucinating. That's all that's going on. _She desperately wanted it to be true, not only because she could not have imagined the horrifying scenario in which she found herself, but because of what was happening inside.

Sue was murmuring, "No, no, no... Harry!" Then they heard sobbing. "Do not do this! Damn it! Harry!"

Leah started heading toward the house again. She had to know what was going on. _I have to help!_

_You can't do anything to help right now! _Paul told her. _You're only going to make things worse!_

_I have to see! _She went around the side of the building and peered in the window. What she saw would haunt her for the rest of her life. Her mother was kneeling over her father, weeping as she performed chest compressions. Harry was turning blue, and his eyes were wide and sightless.

_Daddy! _She and Seth yelled at the same moment.

_I have to help them! _Leah insisted.

_Don't! _Paul yelled. _Get back into the woods!_

Leah didn't listen. She tried to go back to the front door, but another voice rang out. _Stop! _it commanded. Another vision of a different section of forest rushed past her eyes.

Leah fell to the ground as she recognized the voice. She would know him anywhere. For just one second, she felt a little better. Sammy was here, and he would help. And then the past few months came back to her, and her heart sank into her stomach. _Oh my god, what's going on now?_

Seth took a few more seconds to figure out what was happening. _Who is that now? _

_Back away from the house! _Sam ordered Leah. She felt herself stand and slink backward. It was the strangest sensation she had ever felt. She didn't want to go back, she wanted to help her parents. But there was nothing she could do.

_Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. _

When she reached the forest's edge, she heard Sam again. _Stop when you're inside the tree line where you can't be seen._ She froze, trembling. _Tell me what's going on, Paul._

Yet another vision appeared, this one of the beach. A new voice said, _Hey, what's going on, guys? Oh, man. Did Seth phase?_

_Who are you? _Seth asked.

Now Leah was convinced. This could not be real. She had lost her mind. All the voices in her head were a surefire sign of schizophrenia, were they not? Or if she was lucky, she was delirious. She would wake up in her bed soon, and maybe she wouldn't even remember this dream. If she was unlucky, her illness would take her soon, but that would still be preferable to this.

_Seth phased, _Paul explained. _But not just Seth._

_Wait, who is that? _Sam asked.

_It's Leah, _Paul stated flatly. Somehow Leah could sense his hesitation in telling Sam.

The unidentified voice was incredulous. _What? Not possible._

_Of course it isn't. You're mistaken, Paul. Girls don't phase. _Sam directed his thoughts at her. _Tell me who you are._

She didn't want to talk to him. Of all the people in the world, he was the last one she wanted in her brain. She said nothing, instead turning her attention to a rustling noise off to her left. Seth looked as well, and a dark silver wolf emerged from the brush. _Oh, shit, _she thought. It was the most ferocious looking thing she had ever seen.

The silver wolf didn't want to frighten them and halted its approach. _It's okay, Leah, Seth. I'm Paul. Paul Lahote. I'm not going to hurt you. None of us are. _

Seth didn't find that reassuring at all. _How many are you?_

_You guys make six and seven. There's me, _Sam explained, _Paul, Jared Cameron, Embry..._

The other voice interrupted, _Hi, guys. Uh, welcome, I guess._

Sam continued, _And Jacob Black. We're the protectors of the tribe. Do you remember the old stories? The legends about Taha Aki inhabiting the body of a wolf? Of his sons being able to become wolves as well? That's us. We're the sons, uh, the descendants, I mean, of Taha Aki. We're shapeshifters._

Suddenly, Leah's thoughts coalesced. Sam's disappearance senior year of high school suddenly made sense. His growth spurt, his sudden bulk of muscle, and all the times he ever left in the night without a good explanation. _Oh my god..._

She felt Sam's attention shift to her thoughts. He was confused. She could sense that her memories seemed familiar to him, but he couldn't quite get a grasp on them. His attention was focused on her. _Wait, who are you? _He slowed in his approach as he tried to picture her. She realized he was struggling to remember what she looked like. He was trying to remember who she was.

Had he forgotten her? Had he forgotten everything about them? Her heart threatened to break all over again. It was one thing for him to break up with her, to stop loving her. But to forget who she was? They had spent years together, and not long ago they had been everything to each other.

He saw. He saw visions of the ring he had once given her, felt her memory of sweet kisses, gentle smiles, affectionate laughter, and passionate lovemaking. It was simultaneously familiar and foreign all at once. They were secondhand memories. _Leah? LeeLee? Is that you?_

She didn't know what to say. He really had forgotten her altogether. _Yeah. It's me. Me and Seth._

But before they could do anything else, the wailing of a siren interrupted their thoughts. Seth, Leah, and Paul turned toward the house. An ambulance backed into the driveway, and Leah stopped listening to the voices in her head, stopped paying attention to the other visions in her mind, stopped caring about whether she had gone insane. She focused all her attention on her father.

She heard a man ask her mother how long she had been performing CPR. A woman talked about setting up a monitor and running an IV. The man said he couldn't find a pulse, and her mother snapped that that was why she was performing CPR before apologizing to the paramedic. Her mother shakily spoke of Harry's collapse and gave them his medical history. She heard shuffling, a pause that stretched on forever, and then her mother made a choking nose. The woman murmured the word, "Asystole."

The paramedics did everything they could to resuscitate Harry. After an eternity, they wheeled him into the ambulance on a stretcher.

_They'll take care of him. They'll fix this at the hospital_, Seth said. He sounded like a frightened child. _He'll be okay, right, Lee?_

_Of course he will, _she said automatically. But he could read her thoughts. Everyone could. And she knew her father, the man who had loved her more than any other, the person who was prouder of her than anyone else, the person who had always told her she could do anything she wanted, the best man she had ever met, was already dead. And she, in her monstrosity, had killed him.

X-x-x-x-X

A/N: Thanks to my beta, Babs81410, who has generously agreed to proofread yet another story.


	5. Truth

_He's not really gone, is he? _Embry asked. _He can't be. He's... He's Harry._

Leah shook so hard that she was unable to stand. Tears began to stream uncontrollably from her eyes, and she was horrified to realize that it was matting the fur on her face. _Oh god, this can't be happening. None of this can be happening. _

_I'm so sorry. _The huge silver wolf that was Paul approached her slowly. She scampered backward, running into a tree. _Leah, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise._

Leah stared at him in disbelief, glancing between him and the smaller sandy wolf that was supposedly her brother. Seth was shaking as badly as she. Twin urges of fight and flight held her upright, and her indecision between the two forces held her still. She didn't know whether to lunge at the other wolf or run as far away as she could. The only thing that kept her there was Seth, cowering just a few feet away. She wouldn't abandon him, not now. His thoughts were incoherent. He was overwhelmed with terror and grief. She moved toward him, unable to provide any reassuring words. Instead she wrapped her lupine body around his as best she could.

_Leah... Lee... LeeLee?_ As she huddled by Seth, she couldn't help but listen to the others' thoughts. Sam was struggling to unearth buried memories. He replayed the flashes that had appeared in her mind when he appeared, and he tried to connect them to himself. A shorter, slighter version of him holding her hand. A lopsided grin and twinkling eyes. The illicit thrill of stolen kisses. A small, delicate diamond ring, and joyful tears in both their eyes. Severed, abandoned emotions grabbed at him before sliding away. Was that really him?

Leah felt her battered heart thudding painfully in her chest. She wished it would stop, just as Harry's had, so she didn't have to stay here for this. She would follow her father wherever he had gone. If this was the world, she wanted no part in it.

_Don't say that, Lee, _Seth begged, and she hated that he could hear her thoughts. That anyone could hear her thoughts. Was she stuck this way forever?

Paul snarled, _Are you really going to do this right now, Sam? _

Sam shook himself free of their memories, and she felt his brain snap back in place. He became a stranger once more. He intoned, _There are a lot of things you both need to know. I'm sorry. I know this isn't a good time, but this has to be done, and then we can work on getting you back into your human bodies. You'll learn to phase back just like the rest of us have. _

Seth and Leah were suddenly assaulted by jumbled recollections of all three of the invaders. In the background, behind Sam's spoken words, was chaos. There was pain, heat, and burning, just as they had experienced. They saw the destruction of someone's bedroom in one mind. In another, an argument with an older man and a flight into the woods. They couldn't tell which was Embry and which was Paul. But Leah saw a vision of herself, frowning and tearful, standing in her mother's kitchen. She remembered Sam storming out of her house in an inexplicable rage over a meaningless disagreement. He had been gone for two weeks, and when he returned, he was changed. The implications started to coalesce, but she didn't have the capacity to process them amidst the maelstrom of other people's thoughts and memories. She looked to her house, lit brightly but empty inside, and she knew she would find no solace there. She started to cry again, but out came a keening whine instead. She sounded like a dog, not a girl.

Then she heard rustling in the brush nearby, and an enormous black wolf appeared. Her cry died off in her throat. If she found Paul's wolf form frightening, this new wolf was terrifying. He was the size of a bear. Thick cords of muscle showed his power. His teeth looked as sharp as razors, and his claws more deadly than knives. And he had already hurt her more than anyone else ever had.

He locked eyes with her, and her paralysis was broken. The instinct of flight overrode all others. She turned tail and ran. Voices rang in her skull, telling her to come back, to stay still, that she was safe. She didn't believe them. She wasn't safe. Her father wasn't safe. Sam wasn't safe. Now she knew that nothing and nowhere were safe. She hadn't seen Sam's eyes since the day he ended their engagement, so she didn't know until that moment what they looked like. Once they had been so warm, so loving, so bright, and more familiar to her than her own. Although the color was unchanged, as black as his pelt, while the shape remained the same almond tilt that she remembered, something was off. They looked flat, almost dead.

She had never been so frightened in her life. What terrible thing had happened to Sam? What awful force had eaten him from the inside? Was that destruction now coming for her?

She fled. Sam cursed and took chase. Paul took off after him. From wherever he was, Embry urged her to stop. Seth followed uncertainly, not wanting to be left behind. They called after her, asking her to calm down, but they only succeeded in scaring her more. They were a riot in her brain. She could hardly separate their thoughts from her own. Confusion, horror, and grief churned in her gut, making her nauseated. Her heart raced in her chest, and panic overwhelmed her.

_Shit, she's fast, _one of them said. She thought it might be Embry.

Paul urged, _Slow down! Just let us catch up. It's going to be okay!_

She didn't see how it could be, not if any of this was real. She didn't answer them. She only wanted to get away. She heard them talking about her speed, and she was relieved to hear that they didn't think they could keep up with her. She was getting away.

Then Sam told her, _There's no point in running. This isn't something you can escape. It doesn't matter how fast or how far._

She knew he must be right, but that didn't mean she wanted to turn around. It didn't mean she could handle it. It didn't mean she could bear the clamor of all the strange voices in her head. It didn't mean she could stand to look at the blankness in his eyes.

But then her brother broke through. _Lee? Please don't go. _His voice was quiet and frightened amidst the other wolves' bellows.

She slowed. _Seth? I don't think I can do this, whatever it is. _

_Me neither, _he said. _Can we not do it together?_

She couldn't say no. Suddenly, it didn't matter how devastated she was, how horrified, how afraid, how confused. It didn't matter that the world was not what it seemed, that the people she had known her whole life were not who she thought they were, that she herself was not even human. Her little brother was every bit as afraid as she was. He, too, had just lost his father, had lost his orientation in space and time. It was her job to protect him, to keep him safe. So she stopped and waited.

She realized that she had no idea where she was. She had run blindly, and she was lost in the woods. She turned around, trying to orient herself. But everything looked the same.

Paul told her, _You went northwest. If you kept going, you'd have reached the ocean. Can you smell it? You're close to the cliffs. _

He was right. She could tell. _Over this way? _she asked.

_Yeah. _

She started toward it. She didn't want to look into Sam's dead eyes again. When he found her, she was looking at the roiling seas, not at him. In the distance she could see dark sheets of rain merging with the waves. She could feel Sam staring at her, and she could see herself through his eyes. She was an animal.

_Did he know?_ she asked.

She didn't have to explain what she meant. Sam answered, _Yes. He knew. _

_Since when?_

Sam struggled to remember. _He... He was the one who found me. He helped me change back. _A faded memory of Harry reaching out to a terrified, animal Sam appeared.

Leah realized her father would not do the same for her, and pain swelled in her breast. But instead of saying that, she said, _And he didn't tell me._

_He wasn't allowed, _Sam explained as Paul arrived behind him.

_You never told me, _she continued.

Sam repeated, _I wasn't allowed either. _

_Bullshit. Says who?_

_The council, _Embry broke in. _I can't tell my mom. Paul can't tell his dad. _

_Sam, does your mom know? _Leah pictured Alison, who had always been kind to her.

Sam shook his large head. _No. It's against the rules. _

_That's idiotic. She has a right to know just like I did. _

_I couldn't tell you. It wasn't allowed, _he repeated.

She growled, _Who was going to stop you? Did someone seal your lips shut? No? Then I think you could have said something. I deserved to know. Even if you didn't care about me, if nothing else, it might have been nice to know this could happen to me and Seth!_

Her brother still had no words, too overwhelmed by what was happening. But they knew he agreed with her.

Sam had no good explanation for the deceit. _I... I cared... care about you. _He knew it was true, but the sense was dull. Vague memories of debates with Harry and the other elders appeared, but nothing coherent. He hardly remembered anything from that time. He knew he must have had a reason for following their instructions, but his life before Emily felt like a dream he couldn't quite recall.

_Sam, lock that shit up! _Paul warned, but it was too late.

_Emily? I'll bet she's the little exception to your rule, isn't she? _Leah thought she had been getting over the betrayal, but in her vulnerability, it came rushing back. Her emotions were raw and open, and she had no way to hide them.

Sam was no better able to mask his thoughts from her than she was from him. The overwhelming, drugging fog that was the imprint settled over him, and he envisioned Emily waiting for him at home. _Yes. She knows everything. She's the only one I can tell. _

_Her? Why? That doesn't make any sense. How come she gets to know, when I just got to wait for everything to go straight to hell? _The day's tumultuous events played through her mind, and her anger mounted. _I wasn't just a fling, Sam. That cabin you two live in? It was ours! We were engaged! _

_We were? We were. _The thought seemed to startle Sam. He searched his mind for evidence to confirm what she said. He knew she was right, but it felt like everything she remembered had happened to someone else.

_What the fuck? _Leah demanded. _Is that what it means to be a shifter? To forget everyone and everything that happened before? Are we going to forget our dad?_

Seth wanted to know the answer as badly as she did. _Sam? Are we?_

_No, you won't, _Sam said, but the answer was perfunctory.

Embry added, _Really you won't. My relationship with my mom is hard since she doesn't know what I am, but it's not like I don't remember her. _

_And your mom knows what's going on now, _Paul added, _or at least she saw you phase, so no one will try to keep it a secret from her. She wouldn't let you forget Harry even if you tried. _

A wave of grief hit Leah, and she realized it was coming from her brother. Seth emerged from the tree line. She moved toward him, and he whimpered as she pressed her muzzle against his._ What are we going to do?_ He asked plaintively.

She didn't answer, but Sam did. _We're going to help you change back. We'll help you learn to control it, so that you only phase back and forth when you want to._

_But our dad will still be gone, won't he?_ Leah said.

No one answered, because nothing they could say would change the truth.

X-x-x-x-x-X

A few hours after Harry's death, Jacob Black joined the chaos. He had had a bizarre day of his own, having rescued Bella Swan from a suicide attempt when he pulled her from the frigid Pacific Ocean. He was terrified for her and wanted to go back to watch over her, but he had smelled an awful stench by her house and knew he had to leave. As Jacob showed them images of a black Mercedes parked outside Chief Swan's house, Seth and Leah were bombarded by an influx of anger, frustration, and alarm from the pack mind.

Embry said, _They're back? _

Sam immediately started panicking that Emily might be in danger. _Shit. I hope not. _

Jacob asked Sam, _They didn't tell you they were coming? They should have. Isn't that part of the treaty?_

Leah and Seth simultaneously wondered, _The treaty? What's that?_

This led to a confusing and infuriating explanation about the local coven of vampires. Sam had explained the basic concept of the Cold Ones, but they hadn't yet learned about Dr. Cullen's strange "family".

None of it made any sense if they were as harmless as they claimed. Why would a vampire choose to be around as much blood as the doctor if he didn't intend to drink any? Why did his elderly "children" constantly surround themselves with the temptation of innocent teenagers? Why did they prey on Bella before abruptly abandoning her? Didn't they have anything better to do than go to high school over and over again? Why did they choose to live in an area of the country next to the only natural predators they had ever encountered? Why had they mysteriously left?

Worst of all, no one knew if their current visit was a permanent one. Their arrival must have triggered Leah and Seth to transform. Should they ready themselves for an influx of new wolves? If so, who would they be? Seth was only fourteen. At this rate, elementary school children would soon be joining the pack. Sam momentarily imagined a bunch of pups being mauled by a wild looking female vampire with flaming orange hair. That led to more confusing explanations about the current threat, a monster named Victoria. It turned out that Jacob had been chasing her when he found Bella about to go over the edge of the cliff. Sam was livid that the foolish girl's actions had prevented Jacob from catching Victoria and ending her once and for all.

The new information was too much for Leah and Seth to handle. Any one of the night's events was unthinkable. In combination, it was madness. Just when they thought things couldn't get more complicated, Jared phased in for what he thought would be an uneventful night patrol.

_Hey, sorry I'm late. Kim was kind of bummed about her history test, so I stuck around to… _They saw memories of him pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms around her until he realized the pack mind was filled with chaos. _What the heck is going on?_

_Jared, _Sam answered, _we have two new members._

_Two? _Jared guessed Seth's identity, but he was mystified as to Leah's.

_Seth and Leah, both of them. _Paul explained. _It's been a rough night. Their dad just died. _

Instead of passing along his condolences, Jared blurted out, _Leah? Leah Clearwater? Damn. I didn't think that was possible. Emily's not going to be pleased about this. _

Leah was too startled by his reaction to respond coherently, but his words rubbed salt in her wounds. When did the world start to revolve around Emily Young? Paul chided, _Dude, priorities. Did you hear me? Harry Clearwater just died, and that's not the half of it. Bella almost killed herself today, but Jake saved her. But he lost Victoria because he had to yank Bella out of the ocean. And the Cullens are back. _

Jared was stunned. _Fuck. All of them? For good? And where'd the redhead go?_

_We don't know. _Sam tried to rein the conversation back in. He didn't want to go over everything again. _Embry, meet Jared and fill him in. As humans. _

_It'll be less confusing to have their voices in the mix, _Jacob explained.

Jared agreed and turned his attention toward Embry. _Okay. I'll meet you in Emily's cabin. Sounds like it's been a long day. She'll take care of us. She always does! _His thoughts weren't explicitly stated, but they could all tell that he was thinking about how lucky Sam was to have Emily and how lucky he was to have Kim.

_When I left, she was putting together mac and cheese. The good kind with bacon in it. _Sam pictured her mixing the ingredients.

Leah didn't say anything out loud, or at least she didn't mean to. But she vividly remembered the cold winter day three years prior when she had taught Emily how to make the dish. Jared and Sam weren't paying attention, but Embry was. _Guys? Can we focus here?_

Paul was more blunt. _Put a lid on it, shitheads. _

But Jared's thoughts escaped anyway. _Funny that food just tastes better when an imprint makes it._

_An imprint? _asked Leah. _What the fuck is an imprint?_

Sam's explanation didn't calm her down in the least. He told her that it was their way of finding their perfect match, the one person in the universe who made them whole, their soulmate in the truest sense of the word. As he talked, he forgot with whom he was speaking. He extolled Emily's virtues, described her flawlessness, and praised her brilliance. Embry and Jacob tried to stop him. Even Seth asked him to be quiet. He simply envisioned Emily's face, her body, her hair.

Paul growled, _Sam, shut the fuck up! Is this really the time?_

_No, I want to see, _Leah interrupted. She examined Sam's thoughts closely, unable to stop herself. It hurt terribly, but compared to the rest of the day's events, it was almost a pleasant distraction. She looked at the face he held in his mind, and to her confusion, it was not quite the woman she remembered. The most obvious sign that the woman in Sam's mind wasn't Emily was the lack of scarring. Leah hadn't seen Emily in months, but she knew there was no way her injuries could have disappeared so entirely. At first she thought the image was simply a memory of the way her cousin appeared before. But then she examined the picture more closely, and she realized that something was amiss. Unless her figure had changed substantially, Emily's breasts had never been quite that large, nor her waist as slim. Her neck was not that long, nor her hair so thick. Her facial features were slightly off as well. Her lips were not so plump, her eyes had never been quite that large and dark, nor her lashes so long and full. _That's not Emily._

The thought wasn't meant for anyone else, but Sam heard her anyway. He was deeply offended. _The hell it isn't. You think I don't know what my own imprint looks like?_

_Apparently not,_ she bristled. _Your memory obviously sucks. _

Sam answered irritably,_ I could never forget my imprint. It's impossible. _Every night when he closed his eyes, he saw the same beautiful, dark brown eyes staring back at him. In his dreams they sparkled with mirth. The corners crinkled with laughter. They shone with love. It was her eyes that he had fallen in love with first, and in the next moment, the rest of her. Of course he knew what his imprint looked like.

Embry saw what was coming and interrupted, _Can we get back to the basics please? _

But it was too late. Leah couldn't hide how badly his comment stung. _But I'm totally forgettable, huh? What we had wasn't even worth remembering. _

Sam was caught off guard. He was still having difficulty connecting Leah's memories to his own past. He tried to backpedal. _That's not what I meant... _

_Whatever. _Leah tried to pretend she didn't care and changed the subject back. She knew Emily's features as well as she had known Sam's. She pulled up memories of her own, displaying them for Sam. _This is what she looked like._

The woman in Sam's mind was close, very close, but was not the same. The other pack members shifted uncomfortably. Most didn't know Emily before her injuries and were unable to confirm or deny Leah's assertions, particularly about Emily's facial features. But Paul was already convinced that Leah's memory about the lines of Emily's body was more accurate. Jacob quietly agreed. Embry hadn't decided and was trying to compare his own recollections against theirs. Seth was doing the same, and he had known Emily for his entire life. He kept coming back to one thing in particular: the wide, rich brown eyes that Sam couldn't stop thinking about. Quietly he said, _Those aren't Emily's eyes. They're Leah's._

Sam didn't believe Seth. He turned to the smaller wolf and growled, _That can't be true. You're making that up. I know my imprint better than I know myself._

Seth backed away, uncertain how to respond. Leah saw the irony buried in Sam's statement; if he had forgotten her, it meant he had forgotten himself. Paul approached her, examining her closely. She still wasn't used to the enormous animals, and she skittered backward, knocking a few loose pebbles over the edge of the cliff. _Careful, there,_ Paul urged. _We do like to go cliff diving, but now is not the time._

She glanced at the rocks below. _Actually, the way things are going right now, I think it would be fitting._

Her words scared Seth. He was afraid she was serious. _Don't say that, Lee._

_Sorry, squirt. I didn't mean it that way._

_Enough,_ Sam snapped. _We need to get out of here anyway. We're too visible out in the open like this._ He led them back into the cover of the woods. No one spoke, but they could hear each other's thoughts. Jacob was worrying about Bella and headed to the easternmost border to patrol, the closest he could get to her house without violating the treaty. Embry diplomatically offered to meet Jared in the woods rather than go to the cabin; Jared headed his way, idly wondering if Kim had managed to fall asleep. Paul kept glancing at Leah, thinking that Seth was probably right. It was hard to tell in this form, but the eyes that had enchanted Sam looked suspiciously like Leah's.

_Enough,_ Sam snapped. _That's a distraction we don't need right now. We'll end the debate once and for all, and then we don't have to think about this anymore. Leah, change back into your human body. I'll prove it to everyone._

She bristled at his callousness. _How? Exactly how am I supposed to do that? You said you'd show us, but it's been hours and all we've seen are you guys changing into wolves, not back._

Sam was reluctant to demonstrate the process. He knew Emily would not be pleased at the prospect of him being nude in front of another woman, particularly this one.

Leah rolled her eyes. _For fuck's sake. I've seen it all before!_

Sam struggled with the realization. He couldn't reconcile his current life with his past one, which was hazy and unclear. He didn't respond directly to her statement. _Someone else can show you._

Paul moved between them. _For god's sake, I'll do it._ They watched as he stilled, and then he shrank into himself. A human man knelt before them. Leah averted her eyes when he stood, but she caught a glimpse of an impressive physique before focusing her eyes on her brother, who was staring in awe. "See? It's just that simple. And it doesn't hurt at all, not like the first phase into your wolf did. Coming back is the same, just in reverse."

Then he did just that, and a silver wolf exploded out of him. Seth asked, _Wow, how do you do that?_

_I don't know. It's hard to explain,_ Paul said, shrugging his broad shoulders.

Jacob tried, _It's about focus. You just have to concentrate the right way._

Leah asked, _Focus on what?_

Embry answered, _Your human body. What it feels like to be inside the form that you want to be._

_Well, _Leah replied in frustration, _I'm pretty sure I want this really bad. But I just don't get it._

_Take some deep breaths, _Embry suggested_. Close your eyes. Don't look at the other guys; it's distracting you. Picture your regular body. Think about what it looks like. What it feels like. Think about the way skin feels, not fur. Think about walking on two legs, not four. _

Paul caught on and added, _Think about human hands. Palms. Five fingers. Opening and closing them. Think about what every movement feels like: the sensation of raising and lowering your arms, rolling your neck, bending over at your waist and standing up again. What it feels like to bend your knees._

Jacob added, _Picture your own face, what you look like in the mirror. Think about the sound of your human voice and what you have to do to speak. Think about the way your hair feels on your neck, falling down your back. Think about what it feels like to lick your lips. _

Leah listened, and she tried. But she wasn't the only one thinking about what she looked like. Sam, too, tried to envision her human body, her once-beloved face. But he couldn't no matter how hard he tried.

Paul didn't like the direction of Sam's thoughts and tried to convince Sam to phase out. _I__t really would help if you showed them. You can phase out too. The more they see how it works, the more they'll understand. You're the Alpha. You taught the rest of us how to do this, and that's what you did for us. Just phased in and out over and over again while we watched and got the hang of it._

Seth, eager to change the subject, asked, _What's an Alpha?_

Jared jumped at the distraction as Leah tried to get a handle on her tumultuous emotions. _That means he's in charge. He's the leader._

_It's a wolf thing. Like in an animal pack, only even more than that._ Paul clarified. They detected an underlying current of frustration in his thoughts. They got a glimpse of one of his memories. Leah and Seth couldn't tell exactly what was going on. Paul had been racing through the woods when he suddenly felt paralyzed.

_What was that?_ Seth asked. Then the pack mind was flooded with different memories from each of the wolves. The images were too chaotic to decipher from one another, and the effect was unnerving.

Sam snapped, _Was that really necessary? We don't need to go over all of that right now._

But it was better than chancing Sam's broken memories of Leah. Paul argued, _Of course we do. It's basic stuff. Besides, you already used an Alpha order on her._

_What? _Leah demanded. _What are you talking about?_

Sam sighed audibly. _It's not important._

Jacob offered, _It's sort of important. Sam, you've never been on the receiving end. It's not a nice feeling, and they should know what to expect._

Paul didn't wait for Sam to agree. He simply started talking. _The Alpha isn't just in charge. If Sam issues an actual order, you literally have no choice but to comply. You physically can't do other than what he says._

_That can't be._ Leah hoped she had misunderstood, but she knew she hadn't. She had indeed already felt her body move without her consent when Sam had ordered her away from her house. It was a terrifying sensation. She hated it even if it was for the best. She had felt out of control when Sam left her for Emily, but moving to Pullman and starting a new life there had given her a fresh start. She felt like she was in control over her own destiny. The night's events hadn't just overturned her newfound identity; she felt demolished. And for Sam, of all people, to have such power over her? It was a nightmare. _Tell me you're joking._

_No. It's just how it works._ Sam was speaking, but she could feel him probing her mind at the same time. He had seen glimpses of her life in Pullman, and he wanted to know more. He plucked a picture of Adetayo from her memories, and something heavy and unfamiliar churned in his gut.

Leah couldn't help but think about Jonathan as she snarled, _Stay out of my brain! None if that is any of your business! You gave up the right to know anything about me when you dumped me for my cousin!_

_I'm sorry_, _but this pack is my business, and you're pack now. _

_That doesn't give you the right to dig through my private thoughts!_

Embry interrupted before they argued more. _And as brand new pack members, they need to know how to phase. Maybe I should come back and work with them..._

Sam didn't appreciate anything he thought of as a challenge to his authority. _No. You phase out and fill Jared in on what happened tonight, just like the original plan. Both of you phase out. There are too many voices right now._

Embry and Jared disappeared, and Sam turned back to Leah. He stared at her long and hard, contemplating how to handle her. He didn't like how defiant she was being, nor the way she threatened to destroy his carefully maintained balance. His pack had just reached a new equilibrium after Jacob phased, and he thought that was challenging enough. Leah was going to be something else entirely, particularly if unbidden memories kept rising to the surface. He needed to regain control. _I know you don't like the thought of me being able to tell you what to do, but in this case I think it'll help. Since you don't know how to do it on your own, I'll order you to. Once you've had to do it, it'll be easier to make it happen voluntarily._

_Sam, maybe you should... _Jacob began.

But Sam didn't wait. _Leah, phase back into your human body NOW._

Leah's body responded of its own volition. She suddenly became dizzy, and her heart stuttered in her chest. A wave of nausea washed over her. Abruptly she collapsed in on herself, finding herself suddenly smaller than before. She shook her head, clearing her face of the long hair that had fallen into her eyes, and in dismay she realized she was nude on the dirt on her hands and knees. And she wasn't alone.

Seth moved forward to shield her with his body, but it was too late. Her face flushed with shame as she looked up, directly into the eyes of the black wolf. Sam had stopped breathing. For the first time, she saw a spark of awareness staring back at her. She knelt back on her ankles, trying in futility to hide her breasts behind her muddy hands. In her peripheral vision, she saw Paul avert his gaze, but she knew she had already seen everything.

She choked out a humiliated sob, but it turned into another howl as she immediately exploded back into her wolf form, unable to control the emotions that were spiraling out of control. She felt the ripples of Sam's shock spreading through the pack mind. Memories were flooding to his consciousness. He was thinking a dozen things at once. He was seeing the views of her naked body from Seth's and Paul's angles as well as his own, and every image triggered new recollections of her long legs, the dip of her waist, the round swell of her ass, her smooth shoulders. He was surprised at how stunning she was. An image of her long neck appeared, unbidden. Unthinkingly, he followed the line of memory to see her head thrown back, her mouth open on a wail. To her horror, his mind's eye travelled down her body and revealed her back arching and her peaked breasts thrust toward him, her taut belly, the mound of her sex, and his hard length driving into her. It took his breath away, and he stumbled backward.

_What the fuck, Sam! _she demanded, horrified that he was displaying her to virtual strangers.

A chorus of epithets followed. Leah could feel them trying to hide their appreciation. But Seth was shocked. _Jesus! I don't want to see!_

_Sam!_ Paul tried to stop him. _What the hell are you doing? Put that shit away!_

This time, when she ran, no one stopped her. Paul and Seth took chase, but Sam was rooted in place. A storm of memories overwhelmed him. But what paralyzed him was not the recollection of her body, her voice, her words, or her love. He was held rigid by the sight of her eyes, the beautiful brown eyes that he had thought were Emily's, the ones he had just seen staring back at him from the flawless, appalled face of his first love.

X-x-x-x-X

A/N: As always, thanks to my beta, Babs81410.


	6. Reality

Seth and Paul followed her at a distance. She was too fast, and Sam wasn't about to use another Alpha order on her to stop her, not when the last one had backfired so badly. Seth wanted to be with her, and he didn't want her anywhere near Sam, so he ran after her. Paul felt protective of her and did the same.

Sam didn't move. He didn't need to, and it would only make things worse. Instead he watched through the eyes of his brothers, and he had already invaded her mind. He didn't talk to her; he just absorbed her thoughts and the recriminations of her brother, who was begging him to leave her alone. But he was too stunned to do anything. He couldn't figure out how to reconcile his resurfaced memories with his life as he knew it. Before Leah's return, he knew on an intellectual level that he was born long before he met Emily, but everything prior to that day had been a blur. What knowledge he retained of Leah, of his plans, of his dreams, did not feel like they belonged to him but to someone else. It was if he had read about them and memorized the facts, then discarded what he didn't need to know.

Leah was surprised that she could feel worse than she already did. She felt guilty for even thinking about Sam when her father had just died, but she couldn't help it, not after he had exposed her so brutally. No matter how far she ran, he was still there. _What the fuck happened to you? First you act like I was nothing, like I never existed. And now this? You go from thinking I'm no one to showing me to everyone! The Sam I remember would have kicked your ass for what you just did! Those were private memories! Those were ours! You tossed them away like they were nothing, and then you display them like they're porn! Who are you? What the fuck is wrong with you? The person you used to be, he's gone, isn't he? Everything you wanted to do, what you wanted to be, all nothing. You've tossed your dreams away. You tossed me away, buried the memory of me, and then bring them out like that! I feel fucking filthy now! Is that what my life is now? What am I supposed to do? My plans, they're gone, aren't they? All that work. Was it all for nothing? Is this what I am now? Am I going to be lobotomized like you?_

_I didn't mean to do it, _Sam began. _I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. It just slipped out. _

No matter how honest it was, his apology was an afterthought, and a worthless one at that. _Shove it, Sam! You think sorry cuts it? After everything you've done to me? What's next? Are you going to rip my heart out with your bare hands? Or are you going to do it with your claws?_

She barreled ahead without regard to her surroundings, branches striking her face and tangling in her long coat. To get away from the tearing limbs, she headed for an area where the trees had thinned.

_Watch where you're going, _Jacob urged.

But she didn't. The only thing she cared about was getting away from Sam. The more distance she put between the two of them, the better. She aimed for an opening.

_Try to calm down, Leah, _Jacob urged.

It was impossible. _How? Why? Every time I think things can't get worse, they do. I don't know who Sam is. Apparently I don't even know who I am. _

Paul said, _You're still you. You still feel like you, right? So you're still you. _

_I'm me? This is me? This giant fucking dog? This animal? I sure as hell don't look like me! And you want me to calm down? How am I supposed to do that? What for? My fucking dad just died! I killed him by becoming this thing! Oh god, daddy! _His last moments flashed before her in a terrible loop. She started to sob again, crying so hard as she ran that she couldn't see straight. It slowed her down enough that Paul actually caught sight of her. When she realized how close he had gotten, she sprinted away.

_Can't you all leave me alone? _she demanded. _I don't want anyone near me but Seth. And after what Sam just did, I don't think I can bear to look my brother in the eye. What do the rest of you want from us?_

Jacob, who was watching from his spot on the border of their territory, said, _We're just trying to help._ _I'm sorry, but you've got to watch where you're going. _

_Who cares where I'm going? I just need to get away! _

Sam reiterated, _But not there! You're going to get caught and expose us all!_

She finally looked around. She was about to enter a residential neighborhood.

_Turn south before you wander into Cullen territory or get spotted, _Jacob told her_. The last thing you want is to run into a vampire tonight. _

She thought about ignoring them and plowing straight through, treaty be damned, but the way the night was going, she would end up in a fight with an undead creature and get maimed. She couldn't possibly be lucky enough to actually die, not tonight. She changed direction, but it only helped her escape one predator. Sam was still sifting through her mind.

_Can't you give us some time? _Seth begged.

Shell-shocked but trying to remember his duty, Sam answered perfunctorily, _You're both my responsibility. I have to make sure you stay safe and that you don't expose the pack. _

But he couldn't stay focused on their safety. The sight of Leah's human form huddled on the ground had floored him. He wanted to hide his confusion, but there was no way. He kept bringing up pictures of Emily to reconcile the differences that Leah and Seth pointed out. Before Leah showed him, he had no idea that he saw her differently than she actually was. He could disregard her assertions that he imagined small details incorrectly, but he couldn't deny that Emily's face was terribly scarred. He tried to picture them; he knew they were there, but he couldn't see them clearly. The harder he tried, the more frustrated he became. Soon all he could see were the lovely eyes that belonged to Leah, the ones he had thought were Emily's all along. _They must be the same. They're related, _he mused, _so they have the same eyes._

_God damn it, Sam, _snarled Paul. _Don't you see how much worse you're making everything? Get out of here. Just go._

Sam didn't want to listen to Paul, whom he considered to be the most volatile and least reliable member of the pack. But Jacob, too, urged him to go and insisted he could keep things under control. Leah raged against his presence. When Seth again sadly asked Sam to leave, he decided he would go home and prove to himself that Emily looked just as she thought she did.

Finally, he was gone.

Leah only felt marginally better after Sam's departure. She was still reeling from the night's revelations. Her grief was fresh, her pain was raw, her confusion was great, and her self loathing was undeniable. She was a monster in the most literal sense of the word. It was no wonder that the spirits had deemed her unworthy of Sam. Even if he had been transformed into someone barely recognizable, though his mind and heart had somehow been mutated into something ugly and dark, he still deserved better than her. Better than a murderer.

_You didn't kill your dad,_ Paul told her.

Jacob agreed. _It looked like he just had a heart attack or something. You know this better than I do; you're a nurse. You can't give someone a heart attack. It's not how it works._

_No? _She challenged. _You don't know what I said to him. How awful I was being. How irrational and argumentative. That alone was a stress he couldn't afford. And exploding in front of him? It was me changing into this creature, this thing, that set it all off. If I hadn't changed, he'd still be alive. It's the truth. No one can argue it, because you all know it's true._

Jacob countered weakly, _You shouldn't say that. We have no idea what may or may not have happened._ But in his heart, they could tell that he agreed even though he didn't blame Leah. Harry probably would still be alive if he hadn't just suffered the greatest shock of his life.

Leah made it all the way to the Olympic National Forest before she realized that there was no escape, even with Sam temporarily elsewhere, and as long as she was still part of the pack mind, there was nowhere to hide.

X-x-x-x-X

It took Seth two days to change back into his human body. For Leah it was even longer. Every time she would start to calm down, a trigger would set off her emotions and reverse her progress. She would remember the shame of exposing her body, and even if no one was within sight of her, she became too agitated to shift. Or one of the boys would phase out so they could go to school, and she would remember the shift at the hospital she was missing, and she knew she would never return to Pullman. She might catch a glimpse of her distraught mother through someone else's eyes, and her grief would be eclipsed by her guilt for abandoning Sue when they needed each other the most. Once she saw her reflection in the river, and she immediately flashed back to an image she had plucked from Seth's memory. She saw her wolf's body leaning over her father, and she knew she had killed him as certainly as if she had slashed his throat with her claws. Her life as she knew it was over.

Between the physical trauma of her transformation, the days of painful illness that had preceded it, the fresh grief of the loss of her father, the old wound of Sam and Emily's betrayal, and her newfound knowledge that her future was forever changed, Leah was exhausted in body and in mind. The voices in her head alternately startled her, disturbed her, or frightened her. She tried to put on a brave face for Seth's benefit, but once he disappeared from the pack mind, she found that her reserves were empty, and she had nothing left for pleasantries or courtesy. If she couldn't change back into her human body, a task that she feared was impossible, all she wanted was to be left alone with her grief and guilt.

But there was no privacy to be had. Someone was always watching her, both literally and figuratively. One of the other wolves was assigned to her at all times, ensuring she did not cross the invisible treaty line or stray anywhere too close to human activity. Even though she understood why the other wolves were there, it didn't prevent the visceral sensation that she was being stalked by a predator. Her human instinct was to be afraid of the frightening creatures. Although she was one of them, she didn't feel like it, and she visibly startled if one of them made any quick movement toward her. It was actually very embarrassing.

She was almost grateful for the distraction of her hunger. Her stomach grumbled and gnawed at her. Between the illness that led to her change and her traumatic first hours as a wolf, she hadn't had anything to eat in days. The boys had all eaten normal meals when they phased back into their human bodies. When it was clear that she wasn't going to phase back anytime soon, Embry suggested that she hunt. She preferred to starve. Jacob brought her a mixing bowl containing his dinner leftovers, spaghetti bolognese. She instinctively reached a hand out to it, not expecting the claw she saw instead. Her appetite vanished. Then she spotted the ridiculous picture she made in Jared's eyes: an enormous wolf bent over a bowl of pasta. He imagined her muzzle covered in sauce, and he laughed to himself.

She didn't appreciate his mockery and sent him a death glare. Her hunger pangs turned into waves of nausea, and she stalked off. He followed at a distance, rebuffing her attempts to get him to leave. Sam hadn't yet phased back in, but he had left strict orders that they must stay within sight of her. He didn't think she was in any condition to take care of herself.

She couldn't even fall asleep to escape them. After Seth went home, Jared finally led her to the shelter of a cave, where she lay down. He sat in the entrance staring out at the waves. Though she was utterly exhausted, she couldn't sleep. Between her discomfort on the rocky ground, her frayed nerves, and the innocuous but ever-present chatter between Jared and Paul, who was on patrol, she couldn't rest. She didn't even feel like she could relax. Instead of seeing the dark inside of her eyelids, she saw everything that Paul and Jared saw. Someone might as well have taped her eyes open and asked her to sleep. She finally got up and stalked past Jared. She said nothing, but they felt her frustration. She wanted them to shut up, but it was impossible to turn off their own thoughts.

_Eventually you'll get used to it, _said Paul. _The pack mind is..._

Jared trotted after her. _It is what it is. Nothing we can do about it._

She wouldn't have been so frustrated about their telepathy if she couldn't tell how irritated Jared was at having to watch over her. Normally Sam would have relieved him of his shift, but he had wisely decided to keep his distance from Leah. Unfortunately, that meant that the remaining members of the small pack had to pick up the slack. Jared didn't care about missing school, but he resented anything that separated from Kim. He couldn't stop thinking about her, nor could he hide how much he would rather be with her rather than watching Leah.

_Feel free to go,_ she said. _As far as I'm concerned, you can go do whatever you want. I don't need a babysitter._

_Actually, you do. Alpha's orders. Now, if you would just phase back into your body, you could go home and go to bed, and I could go see Kim._

She answered irritably, _Don't you think I'd do it if I could figure out how? Don't you think I'm trying?_

He didn't mean to speak out loud, but she could hear his thought as clearly as if he yelled it in her ear. _Obviously you're not trying hard enough._

_Cut me some slack!_ she snapped. _It took Sam, what, two weeks to change back? How long did it take you?_

_Three days_, he offered reluctantly.

Paul offered, _It took me four._

Jared sighed, _Look, I'm not trying to be a jerk. It's just really hard to be away from Kim._

_He's not exaggerating, _Paul added. _He's like an addict who hasn't had a fix._ Leah noticed the undercurrent of disapproval in his tone, but Jared ignored it.

_Well, I didn't ask you to stay with me,_ Leah answered. _I'm serious. As far as I'm concerned, you can go. Plus it's been what, all of three hours since you last saw her? And aren't you going directly to her place after your shift?_

_You don't get it. It's not like the normal way you miss somebody._ As Jared thought about Kim, he visibly relaxed. He lowered his haunches to the ground, and she could swear she saw a vacant expression cross his lupine face. _Imprinting is different. It's amazing. It's…_ He struggled to come up with words, and she could feel his senses tune one by one onto someone who wasn't even there. He got lost in a fog. _It's like nothing you've ever felt before. It's amazing._

Paul tried to stop him, interrupting, _Honestly, dude? Are you really going there?_

_She's going to see it all anyway, _Jared pointed out. _I know you care about Sam, Leah. But that's why you should be glad that he imprinted. Emily is his actual soulmate. She's perfect for him in every way. There's no one better for him in the entire world. Most people aren't lucky enough to end up with their soulmate, but he is. So if you really care about him, you should just be happy for him._

Leah actually growled at him, a menacing, black sound from deep within her chest and throat. Part of her was still appalled that she was capable of making such a noise. But she was so angry that the release of her pain and aggression felt good.

Paul snorted at her attempt to intimidate Jared, who turned and bristled at her in response. _Hey, back off! I'm sorry that you were collateral damage, but Sam and Emily are meant to be, just like Kim and I are. You should feel lucky that he ended it before you guys got married and didn't have to get a divorce or something._ He thought of his own relationship with Kim as he spoke. He had every intention of proposing as soon as he could afford a ring.

_Wait now, _Leah stopped him. _This is the same girl who is been in all of your classes since, what, kindergarten? One girl out of how many, six? Seven in your whole grade?_

Paul answered for him. _Five. There are five girls in our class._

_Okay, so she's your soulmate, and you've known her for your entire life. And she's got almost no competition just because of how small the tribal school is. So you must have fallen for her ages ago, right? Because she's your perfect match, and she's been sitting right next to you for a decade._

Jared didn't want to admit anything that might lessen Kim in Leah's eyes at all. _I just didn't know what was good for me, that's all. I was blind, and the imprint opened my eyes._

_Yeah, right. _Leah scoffed. _Because you guys see your imprints so perfectly, is that it? Then how come Sam doesn't even know what Emily really looks like? How come he morphed her body with mine in his brain? How come he thinks my eyes are hers?_

Paul wanted to hear Jared's response, so he just listened. Jared stammered, _You don't know what you're talking about. It's like he said. You guys just have the same eyes, that's all. You're related to each other, after all. And so what if he doesn't see those scars when he thinks of her? That's a good thing. She doesn't want people staring at them, and he doesn't. It doesn't mean he's confused the two of you somehow._

_If he can't see the scars, then he's gone completely blind! _Leah snarled, at the end of her wits. _Hell, maybe you have too! Or maybe you've gone just as crazy as he has, just as crazy as I have got to be!_

Jared repeated defensively, _You don't know what you're talking about. You've only been here a couple days. You don't have everything figured out. You're just angry because Sam left you. Imprinting is the best thing that ever happened to him, just like its the best thing that ever happened to me._

_Really?_ she asked. _Because I knew Sam as well as I know anyone in the world, and that is not him. He changed a lot when he phased, I see why in retrospect, but he was still the same guy beneath the muscle and the temper. But now? He's had a damn lobotomy._

_You're just jealous,_ Jared asserted. He couldn't stand any challenge to his belief that imprinting was a gift. _Emily's amazing. She's kind and thoughtful and she takes great care of him. She's exactly what he needs. The sooner you accept reality, the better._

_Goddamn brainwashed zombie motherfucker. _Leah didn't mean to say it to him, but he heard her nonetheless. Normally she never would have voiced such a thing to anyone. But the filter that existed between her brain and her mouth was useless in the pack mind.

Jared didn't appreciate it either way. _Hey, I'm just trying to help you here! The least you could do is be a little appreciative. It's not like I've got nothing better to do than follow you around all day long._

_I didn't ask for your help!_ She shouted. _You don't want to be here? That's great! I don't want you here either! Leave me alone, both of you!_

Paul didn't like being lumped in with Jared. _Hey, I'm not the one arguing with you._

_You know we can't leave you alone, _Jared answered. _We have our orders._

She was exasperated. _What is it with you people and your orders? Is everyone here a little slave for Sam Uley? He says jump, and you say how high!_

Jared defended his friend. _He's a good leader, Leah. He had it harder than any of us, phasing all alone. Nobody to help him. Nobody to tell him what was going on. You should be grateful that you didn't have to go through that._

She sarcastically answered, _Of course. Grateful. Because everything that's happened in the past couple days was really good for me. Really good for my brother._

Jared answered, _That's not what I meant, and you know it. I'm sorry about your dad, but don't pretend like you're the only one who's had it rough. Going to school while we we're on a patrol schedule? There isn't exactly time for both. My parents thinking I'm some kind of delinquent because I'm always disappearing on them? I'm in trouble all the time. Knowing that I might fight to the death with a vampire anytime I go to the woods? We're built for it, yeah, but it isn't exactly how I wanted to spend my weekends._

All of that only made Leah feel worse. She wasn't even thinking about herself anymore. She was thinking about Seth. How was he going to manage to stay in school this way? What did his future now hold? It was bad enough that her life had been overturned, but she couldn't stand the idea that her brother's promising future might be reduced to this. _Fuck. This is a goddamn nightmare. What's going to happen to Seth?_

Paul replied, _We split patrol shifts pretty evenly, except for Sam, since he's not in school anymore. He takes more of them. Seth will get on the rotation just like everyone else._

_But he's just a kid! He can't afford to miss that much school, _she protested.

Paul told her bluntly, _None of us can afford to miss this much school. We've got to do it anyway because we have no choice._

Anger boiled in Leah's belly. Not only was she not going back to Pullman anytime soon, she was going to have to quit her job, drop out of college, and stay here only to watch her brother's promising future vanish into thin air. She didn't think she could stand it. Just one week ago, she was making plans with her friends, laughing with Rachel, and setting up another date with Jonathan. She was making a good living, learning to be independent, and making herself and her parents proud. But now she was here, she had turned into a monster, and her father who had been so proud of her was gone forever. She was angry with him, and she hated herself for it. But he had known what happened to Sam, had known why he left her, and worst of all, had known what lay in store for Seth. And yet he had said nothing. She was angry at the betrayal and even more furious at herself for thinking anything ill of the beloved parent she had just lost.

After that, they kept their conversation to a bare minimum. Jared was mad at her, and Paul knew that she wanted only to be left alone. He respected her wishes. So they didn't speak, but nothing could keep them from hearing each other's thoughts. Leah's were hopelessly dark, and they left her to them.

Jared finally phased out at the end of his shift. Instead of waiting until Embry phased in to give him an update, he went looking for his packmate in his human form. He didn't want to be in Leah's presence for a second longer than he had to. Paul knew Jacob would be a little late; he had to help his father to bed before he could leave the house. For a few blessed minutes, there was only one other voice in her head.

By then, Leah was lying near the edge of a rocky outcropping overlooking the sea. She had been awake for so long that she was starting to doze off periodically despite the sights and sounds on display in the pack mind. Her thoughts were as quiet as they could get in her semiconscious state. Her eyes were closed, but she could tell that Paul was looping back toward her. His steps carried him uphill. She said nothing as he approached, and neither did he.

Eventually she saw her own grey wolf lying before his eyes. It was a surreal sight. She didn't think she would ever get used to seeing more than one perspective at once, and she came to full awareness.

_You kind of get used to it. Sort of. It gets less nauseating, anyway,_ he said quietly.

She said nothing in response, but he knew she was awake. Her uneven breathing and slightly elevated heart rate would have given her away even if he couldn't read her mind. He came up beside her and stretched out on the ground. He said nothing else. He just looked out at the waves. Eventually she opened her eyes to see the same view. _What was your first time like?_ she asked.

He deliberately misunderstood her. _Delia Blackwing at Jamie Ryan's house party. Also the first time I got drunk. It was... Well, let's just say not my proudest moment. But I practiced a lot and got better real fast._

_Pervert_, she snorted as hazy pictures flooded her mind. _I really don't want to see any of that! Bad enough you told me. And wasn't she just one class below me? Doesn't that make her three years older than you?_

_Yeah_, he answered smugly. _This wolf thing really aged me. I look older than you do at this point. It was different for those of us who had more lead time before we shifted. I think I grew a good six or seven inches before I phased, and I buffed up a ton. I don't think those physical changes happened to you so much because you were only back for a couple days before the shift happened._

_Man, I hope not,_ she sighed._ I don't want to look like I'm thirty until, you know, I'm thirty._

_I know plenty of sexy thirty year old ladies, but I don't think you have to worry about that either way. _Unbidden, the image of her naked body crouching on the ground appeared in his mind. There was no point in trying to hide it, because she already knew what he was thinking about, so he just went with it. _You've always been the hottest girl on the Rez, Leah, and if you keep phasing, you'll keep the title indefinitely. As long as we keep phasing, we don't age. So if you want, you could keep that sexy shape just like it is until you're 50 or 60. Or a hundred if you feel like it._

_Seriously?_ She asked. _There's no way I was ever the hottest girl here. And I absolutely do not want to turn into this creature for any longer than I have to. But you make it sound like we do get to stop at some point. Is that true?_

_Yeah. Everyone stops eventually, or so they tell us anyway. And it must be true, right? If not, there would still be some members of the last pack hanging around. Supposedly everybody eventually decides to stop phasing so that they can age with their families._

_Well that's something, I guess. I'm glad that I won't be stuck like this forever._

She glanced at him, and he was giving her a grin. His teeth looked incredibly sharp. _But wouldn't you like to still look like you're 20 when you're actually 50? Just imagine. Emily will be fat and wrinkled and have sagging tits and a flabby butt, and you could still look like a swimsuit model. Wouldn't you like to rub it in her face? Or better yet, Sam's?_

She laughed despite herself._ So that's my new goal in life, huh? Petty revenge?_

_That, and tearing apart vampires._ Paul showed her their successful hunt for a dark skinned predator who had been stalking Bella Swan. His name was Laurent. He told her about the huge rush it had been to rip him apart limb from limb. _Just you wait. You are going to love tearing these things to shreds._

The very idea of being violent was an anathema to her. She wanted to spend her life helping people, not hurting them. But she instinctively understood that these creatures weren't people. They were dangerous, they were murderers, and they needed to die. _We're protectors, is that right?_

_It's a thankless job, literally. Nobody knows what we are or what we're doing. It's exhausting and miserable, _he admitted. _And if I actually stop to think about what an absolute twat Bella Swan is, I kind of want to let them eat her. But she is a human, and she's given me the excuse to massacre one of them. Turns out I really liked it, and I think I'd like to do again._

She didn't answer. She thought about what he said, and she heard him wondering where Embry was. She looked back at the sea, and moments later, she felt a shift, and she looked at Paul. He was sitting next to her in his human body, naked and unashamed. This time he spoke with his voice. "Embry seems to be taking his time. So this might be the only chance you have to get some rest." She cocked an eyebrow at him, and he responded to her unspoken question. He shrugged. "He said one of us is supposed to stick with you, make sure you're safe. But Sam didn't say we had to do it as wolves. Just close your eyes. Until Embry and Jake show up, it'll actually be dark behind your eyelids."

She stared at him for a second, trying to figure out if he was serious. She had a feeling he would get in trouble with Sam, but also that he couldn't care less. Then she closed her eyes.

By the time Embry arrived, Leah had finally fallen into an exhausted sleep. To Paul's surprise, she involuntarily phased back into her human body in her rest. He couldn't stop himself from staring at her lovely form as he phased in. Embry exclaimed, _Wow. She's absolutely…_

She was gorgeous. _Yeah. I know,_ Paul answered. _She's the only girl I've ever met who's an actual ten. _He also noticed that he was right; she didn't really look any older than her chronological age. Her transformation had toned her long limbs, but that was all.

Embry interrupted his gawking. _Um, I don't think she's going to like us staring. I've got the change of clothes that Jared was holding for her. Let me bring it over._

_No, _Paul said. _Bring a blanket._

_Oh, okay. We probably couldn't get her dressed without waking her up anyway, could we? Plus I doubt she wants us touching her like that._

Paul pointed out, _I'm going to have to touch her to get her home._

_I can do it_, Embry volunteered.

But Paul felt possessive. _No. I've got her._

Leah dimly felt herself wrapped in soft fabric and lifted off the ground. She was far too tired to wake up fully, but she knew that it was Paul who gently cradled her in his arms for the long walk and tucked her into her childhood bed. When she awoke, she wished the past few days were just an awful dream, but she could smell his scent on the cotton.


	7. Crossing Lines

When Leah fell asleep in her wolf body and involuntarily phased back into her human one, she slept a blessedly dreamless sleep. Her psyche was so overwhelmed that it simply shut down for a few blissful hours. But that didn't last. She awoke to the same reality to which she had fallen asleep, and there was nothing for it.

She slipped on a large tee shirt, embarrassed that Paul must have seen her naked again. Embarrassment was the least of her problems, though. She peered into the hallway, seeing no one. Someone was downstairs; she could hear them moving around. She slipped into the bathroom as quietly as possible and closed the door. It was dark, and she was afraid of what she would see in the mirror when she turned on the light. She took a deep breath and flicked the switch.

She was a mess. Dark circles sat under her eyes, her hair was tangled and dusty, dirt was smudged across her skin, and bits of grass and dead leaves were stuck to her body. The counter seemed slightly lower than it had before; she had probably grown an inch or two. She rolled up her sleeves. She could see the outline of her biceps, but they didn't bulge out unattractively. She lifted her shirt. Her stomach was toned, but she didn't have a six pack. Her waist was still slim and her hips still flared out, and her breasts were still full and pert. She looked athletic but not like a bodybuilder. She still looked feminine, and more importantly, like herself. Leah breathed a sigh of relief.

She climbed into the shower and turned on the hot water, disappointed that her newly elevated temperature made it feel tepid. But she felt clean for the first time in days. She soaped herself from head to toe and methodically untangled her hair with two rounds of conditioner, and by the time she stepped out, she felt human again even if she really wasn't. She donned her old robe and opened the doorway, thinking seriously about hiding in her bedroom. But the scent of fresh coffee drifted up from the kitchen. At least that hadn't changed. Her stomach grumbled in response. She was ravenous. She wished she had some snacks stashed in her room, but there was nothing. She would have to go downstairs. At least she hadn't heard the voices of any packmates. She descended the stairs with trepidation. On the bottom step, she halted. Her heart thudded rapidly in her chest. She could hear someone breathing in the kitchen. She took a deep breath and rounded the corner.

Her mother was looking up at her with an expression as nervous as hers. For a long moment, they stared at one another. Leah was frozen in place. The last time they had seen one another, she was an animal, and Sue was frantically trying to save her father's life. If her mother had any sense, she would kick her out of the house or run away as fast as she could go. Instead, Sue's lip began to quiver, and she slowly pushed herself back from the kitchen and stood. She stepped around the table and took a deep breath. Leah was certain she about to be tossed out. But then Sue opened her arms. "Come here." Leah nearly collapsed into her mother's embrace. They clung to each other fiercely. Sue whispered, "I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't know. I didn't know. I'd never have let you come home if I knew. I'd have grabbed your brother and run if I knew this would happen. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Leah was heartened by her mother's loyalty but mortified that Sue was apologizing. She had absolutely nothing to be sorry for. "Don't say that, mom. It's not your fault. Not at all."

Sue sniffed, "You may not be a child any longer, but I'm still your mom. And a mother's job is to protect her kids. I didn't protect you from this."

"You couldn't. I don't think anybody could."

Sue pulled away and scowled. "If someone had told me what was going on, you'd better believe I would have tried."

Leah smiled. She couldn't help it. "And when Sue Clearwater tries, Sue Clearwater succeeds."

Her mother laughed despite herself. "Like mother, like daughter, right?" Sue pulled out a chair and gestured for her to sit down. "Here. Let me fix you something to eat."

Leah's stomach grumbled in response. "That sounds amazing."

"They told me you'd be starving when you woke up, so I prepped some things." She pulled a waffle iron out of a cabinet and plugged it in.

From the refrigerator, she retrieved a mixing cup full of batter and a carton of eggs. As she waited for the pan and iron to heat, she started whisking the eggs. Leah poured herself a cup of coffee and dumped in four teaspoons of sugar and a half a cup of milk. Her mother eyed the drink suspiciously. "Since when do you like it so sweet?"

Leah shrugged. "I want as many calories as I can get right now. The girls at work would laugh at me for making it this way, but I need some sugar." Then her shoulders slumped as she thought about her job. "When am I going to go back, mom?"

"I don't know. I wish I could tell you that you'll be right as rain after a couple days, but the more I learn…" Sue set down her whisk. "I can't believe he never said anything." She began to rub her temples with her fingers. "Twenty five years, and he keeps something like this from me."

"He didn't tell you anything? Didn't drop any hints, even?"

"Nothing." Sue closed her eyes and shut her mouth in a grim line. "Not when those… creatures… came to town. Not when Sam disappeared and then showed up all of a sudden, when he didn't want to go off to school anymore. Not when he broke your heart and took up with Emily. Not when your brother started shooting up like a weed, when the two of you got those terrible fevers… He knew." Her voice began to tremble. "The entire time, he knew. But he didn't say a word. He should have said something. He should have told us. We're his family, and we had a right to know. It involved us directly. But he fell in line and kept his mouth shut. And I'm so angry. Furious. But I've got no one to yell at, no one to blame, because he's gone. He left before I could yell at him." Sue would have gone on, but instead she broke down in tears.

Leah wrapped her arms around her mother, trying to hold them both together when everything had fallen apart. She felt so betrayed. "He knew we would turn?"

Sue shook her head and wiped her eyes. "They tell me that he thought it was impossible for you to shift, but he knew it might happen to Seth, knew it was a matter of time, really. I think he fooled himself into thinking that since both of you got ill at the same time, it must be something else. Only deep down, he must have known it wasn't. If he truly believed that you were both just sick, he wouldn't have fought me so hard about taking you to the hospital." She buried her face in her hands. "Which means that somewhere, deep down inside, he knew it was happening to both of you, but he didn't say a word. Not a word. And now it's too late."

And he was only gone because of what Leah had done. Leah choked out, "I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Mean to? What are you talking about?" Sue lifted her head.

Leah answered, "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't mean to upset him. I didn't mean to fight. And I didn't mean to turn into that thing."

Sue's eyes widened. "But of course you didn't! Neither did your brother. Now if your father had told us what the hell was going on, maybe we could've done something about it. But instead, he kept it all to himself. He kept sneaking out of the house at all hours of the night to talk to Billy, Old Quil, the rest of the council, even Sam Uley." She said the final name like a curse. "But his family? The ones he was supposed to care about more than anybody? The ones who stood by him through thick and thin? Apparently we didn't deserve any kind of warning or explanation."

Leah was too confused to muster up the anger that her mother displayed. "Why? Why do you think he would do that?"

Sue slumped against the counter. "I don't know. Blind optimism, partly. Billy said he thought he'd have more time before Seth phased. Once the vampire coven left, he thought that would be the end of it. They all hoped no one else would phase. And he followed the orders of the council. They're all terrified the secret could come out, and I guess I can't blame them for that. If the wrong people found out… I don't even want to think about what could happen to you and your brother." She sighed, "I don't know. He meant well, and the council means well, but I don't think it's right. It's idiotic, actually. Do you know that they don't even tell the boys what's going on until after they phase?"

Leah was incredulous. "What? That can't possibly be right."

"It's ridiculous. Apparently the warning signs are pretty obvious. The way you guys got so sick before it happened? That happens to everybody beforehand. The temperatures that are totally off the charts. The pain. The uncontrollable temper. I mean, anyone with an ounce of sense who's paying the least bit of attention can figure out what's going on if they're in on the secret. So you'd think that they'd say something, right? Warn the boy as soon as they see it starting. But no. They wait until he explodes, literally. It's the most asinine thing..."

Leah exclaimed, "That's horrible! Speaking from personal experience, I cannot imagine a worse way to handle it. And how stupid! Why on earth would they do that?"

"I haven't the slightest idea. But believe me, if I've got anything to say about it, that's going to change."

And that was what Leah had always admired the most about her mother. Sue wasn't just confident under pressure, she was clearheaded and decisive. She had always made her children feel safe and comforted. They grew up thinking there wasn't anything their mother couldn't handle, and Leah hoped that this belief would hold true. Her father had let her down, but her mother had not. Not yet. She asked, "What can you do about it? Start talking to people? Tell them what's going on?"

Sue clarified, "I'm not just going to go run my mouth off. They're right that it wouldn't be safe for all of you if the secret got out. The very last thing I want to do is make things worse for you and Seth. But they've given me your father's seat on the Council, and you can bet I'm not just going to fall in line behind those old men."

"Speaking of Seth, where is he? Not in school, I'm guessing."

Her mother frowned. "Sam came to get him this morning. They're training, whatever that means. We're supposed to let them know when you're up so you can join them."

Leah grimaced. "Why Sam? Of all the people in the world to have to share a brain with."

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I wouldn't have wanted to read your dad's mind, let alone have him read mine, and we never went through a breakup. But you remember that the best revenge is simply to live well."

Leah looked at her feet. "I know. I was just starting to figure that out on my own. But right now I'm having trouble imagining how I'm going to live like this at all."

"It can't last forever," Sue reassured her.

She thought to herself that she was afraid it would end when a vampire killed her. Instead she said, "But how do I get through today? I don't want to see Sam or any of the rest of them. I can't." She was too embarrassed to tell her mother about how humiliated she had been to be naked in front of them, or how Sam had displayed her to the pack mind.

But Sue smiled at her. "Well, they told me to send you to them when you were up. I didn't say I agreed, did I?"

"Maybe I can just avoid them forever."

"You could try," her mother admitted, "but I think we both know but it wouldn't work. Forever is just a very long time. Today, on the other hand…"

Leah saw the twinkle in her mother's eyes. "What are you thinking?"

Sue stepped back to take a good look at her daughter. "I think this wolf thing has made you a little taller."

Leah nodded. "I know. I didn't really need it, either."

"Nonsense. You look beautiful. You'll probably be needing some new clothes, won't you? Your old stuff might not fit."

"I think that's the least of my problems, mom."

Sue asked, "Well, if you want to, I'm sure I can get a hold of Sam somehow, and he can come get you for training. It might actually be more fun than the other thing I need to do today. I'm going to the funeral home in an hour."

"Oh, mom, of course I'll come with you." Leah didn't want Sue doing that alone.

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

"Thank you." Sue looked relieved. "Then I can make us this breakfast, and we'll go make arrangements. After that, how about I take you into town for a new wardrobe? Or would you rather find Sam afterward?"

Despite herself, Leah laughed. She was so grateful for her mother. "Do you even have to ask?"

Sue smiled broadly. "Good." She poured batter into the waffle iron and closed the lid. "Then you're mine today."

They did their best to make arrangements that they thought Harry would have liked, but the details of a funeral seemed totally unimportant in the grand scheme of things. And the cost was absurd. The funeral director also gave them an intimidating list of tasks. They would have to notify social security, Medicare, their credit card companies, their utility companies, their bank; the list went on and on. Leah couldn't believe how complicated it was. Wasn't it enough to grieve?

After that, mother and daughter spent the afternoon together. Sue drove all the way to Port Angeles, where she spoiled her daughter with more new clothes than she needed before taking her to an all-you-can-eat buffet for dinner. Neither of them wanted to think about the tragic and bizarre turn their lives had taken, and they studiously avoided any sensitive subjects. They told each other about their funniest and most dramatic patient encounters. Leah talked about how much she liked living with Rachel, and she tried not to think about the fact that she wouldn't get to anymore. Sue asked her about her romantic prospects, and then she told Leah stories about the boy she had dated before Harry, and then how Harry had wooed her away from him. Leah was stunned by the idea that there was a time when her parents weren't together. It simply never occurred to her that they did not always exist as a unit. They made each other smile and laugh. Leah felt wonderfully, conventionally normal, at least for a few hours.

But reality was waiting on her doorstep when they returned.

He stood to his full and imposing height. He wore no shirt, and he folded his muscular arms over his broad chest. His stern, handsome face turned down into a frown. He glared at her irritably.

He looked so familiar, yet so foreign. His features, so well known to her and once beloved, were now altered just enough to turn him into a complete stranger. His face, once youthful, now looked older and careworn. His build, once slight, was now thick and hard. His smile, once bright, was gone. His eyes, once full of life and love, were now flat and dull. Sam had become an awful caricature of himself.

She stepped out of the car. "Where have you been?" he asked.

Sue answered before Leah could open her mouth. "I needed some time with my daughter."

Sam just glowered at them. "It had to be today? She's needed today."

"I needed her today," Sue said quietly. "I needed both my children, actually. You may recall that their father just died. We had to arrange his funeral."

Sam had the decency to look ashamed. But what came out of his mouth was, "I am sorry for your loss. He was a good man. But Leah has obligations to the pack, just like we all do."

"Leah has obligations to her family, something you used to remember," Sue retorted.

"Of course. But safety comes first, and she is needed to protect this tribe. We're stretched too thin already."

Sue asked, "Did something happen?"

He shook his head. "Not today, no. But something will, and she needs to be ready for it. She needs to be prepared. Decisions need to be made. First, though, you need to cut your hair."

"What?" Leah blinked. Sam had loved her long, silky hair. When they sat together, he was constantly running his fingers through it or burying his nose in it to catch her scent. "Why?"

"Your wolf's hair is way too long. Didn't you notice how it tangled in everything? You've got to get it under control."

"I don't want to," she protested.

He put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "It's not optional."

"Does it have to happen now?" Leah fingered the ends, hoping to delay as long as possible.

"Yes. I can do it, although I can't promise it'll look any good when I'm done," Sam answered.

Sue tightened her jaw and looked at her daughter. If nothing else, she could give her a flattering cut. "Come on inside, honey. I'll take care of it."

Leah looked dismayed, so Sue mustered up a smile. "Seriously?"

"Come on," Sue gestured to the front door. Leah walked as slowly as she could. Sam tried to follow them in. Sue turned to glare at him. "You can go home now. I'll take care of it."

Sam shook his head. "Actually, she needs to come with me when you're done."

Leah asked skeptically, "Where?"

"The council is gathering. You need to be there."

Sue frowned. "Why wasn't I informed?"

"I am informing you right now," Sam told them.

Sue asked, "Is the entire pack going to be there? Is Seth already there?"

Sam paused. "No. The meeting is about Leah. Hurry up with the haircut. Everyone's waiting."

"They can wait a little longer," Sue said firmly, and then she shut the door in Sam's face.

"It needs to be as short as possible," he called out.

Sue leaned her forehead against the door for several seconds. When she took a deep breath and turned around, Leah looked like she was trying to hold back tears. "I don't want to, Mom."

"I know, baby. But let's you and I do this together before Sam comes at you with a pair of shears. I promise I'll make it look good."

Leah kept her eyes closed as her long hair fell to the floor. Sue gave her a flattering bob. She was certain that Sam wouldn't approve, but she knew he was in a rush, and he wouldn't want to take any longer to get to the council meeting. Sue set the scissors down and said, "Want to take a look?" Leah just shook her head. "You look beautiful, honey. Your neck looks long, and the cut shows off your collarbone and shoulders. I think you'll like it."

"Thanks," Leah said quietly. But she refused to open her eyes.

When they opened the front door, Sam frowned. It was longer than he wanted it, so he glared at Sue. She glared at him right back. "We're late," he said.

Sue pointed to her car. "Then we'll get going." She opened the back door for him. "Climb on in. We'll drive you over."

Leah was about to protest at riding with Sam until she realized he would have to squash himself into an area meant for someone a foot and a half shorter than he. He shook his head. "Thanks, but I'll walk."

"I insist." Sue gestured at the door, and Sam reluctantly crouched down and climbed into the back of Sue's Ford Focus. Leah didn't enjoy the sensation of Sam's eyes boring into the back of her head, but she liked the way his knees were wedged up against his chest.

When they entered the council hall, she couldn't help but feel awkward on his behalf. The folding chairs in the conference room fit him as well as Sue's backseat. And he still wasn't wearing a shirt. Leah understood why; she was just as warm as he was, but she didn't rip her top off to keep herself comfortable. The Sam she remembered never would have forgotten such basic courtesy in a formal meeting. He looked totally out of place. Who had he become?

She turned her attention go Billy, who gestured for her and Sue to take open seats. A half dozen others nodded briefly in her direction. She recognized them all, but she didn't know any of them well. She sat down, and Billy cleared his throat. "Thank you both for joining us. I know it has been a trying time. Harry was a wonderful man, and he will be missed."

Sue spent a few minutes accepting condolences while Leah became increasingly nervous. Whatever this meeting was for, it couldn't be good, because no one would make eye contact with her.

Eventually Sam took over the conversation. He handed her a printed calendar; she spotted her name peppered across the page. "That's the patrol schedule."

"I can see that." Why hadn't he spoken to her about creating it? He expected her to drop everything and come running whenever he commanded, didn't he? She pointed at the following week. "I'm already scheduled for shifts at the hospital on both these nights. I've got a physiology exam next Thursday."

"I'm sorry, but you don't anymore," Sam said quietly. "You can't go back, not anytime soon."

She had already known it, but having it confirmed was painful. It felt even worse coming from Sam. She protested, "I have responsibilities, you know. We were already short staffed on my unit. I can't just quit my job. My half of the rent's due soon."

"You have to," Sam insisted. "We need the members of our pack more than the hospital does. Nurses are replaceable; shifters are not. And there's no way you can complete this semester. It's unfortunate. I understand that. But it isn't an option."

She offered, "Then I'll look for a job here. If I have to stay here, I'll see if Forks General is hiring, or one of the clinics. At least I can still give Rachel my half of the rent."

"That's kind of you, but..." Billy began before Sam cut him off.

"No, you can't do that either." Sam frowned. "You can see other pack members, but other contact is restricted."

"You can't be serious!" She thought of Rachel, Jonathan, and all the others she had met. Was she ever going to see them again? Her life was just starting. How could it be over already?

Sam told her, "It isn't safe for a new wolf to be around humans. Don't go visit old friends. Stay out of crowded areas. You shouldn't get too close to your mom, even."

"I'd never hurt my mom," she snapped.

Now he wouldn't look her in the eyes either. "None of us know what we're capable of," he said quietly.

And suddenly she saw her father gasping for air at her feet. She saw him turning blue, grasping at his chest, eyes open and terrified. It was an image she would never forget. And she would never forgive herself for it.

Leah tuned out the rest of the conversation. Her mother tried to advocate for her, said the reservation's clinic needed a nurse as much as the pack needed another wolf. She could serve the community with her other skills and still patrol. Sam forbade this; besides the fact that he didn't think she was safe to be around vulnerable humans, he needed her to be available to join a hunt at any moment. She needed to listen for her brothers' calls even when she wasn't on patrol. And since they were still in high school and she already had an associate's degree, she would take a disproportionate number of shifts to allow the younger pack members to stay in school as long as possible. She would have to notify the university that she was taking a leave of absence after her father's death.

Leah felt nauseous. The life she was building was vanishing into darkness only to be replaced by an existence dedicated to isolation, battle, and death. All her hard work, what was it for? What had been the point? Why did she dedicate her life to helping people only to be told that her true mission was violence? Was this all that was in store for her?

Eventually she noticed that every council member was frowning at her but her mother, and Billy was trying to get her attention. "What?"

"Do you agree?" the chief asked.

"I don't really have a choice, do I?" Leah said.

Sam answered, "Not really."

Sue protested again, but Leah just stood up. There was no point in saying anything. There was no point in anything. She wanted to walk out the door, through the woods, and straight off the edge of the cliff. But she caught sight of her mother's dismayed expression, and she put on a brave face. "It's okay, mom. It'll be okay. I'll be okay."

Sam stood and gestured at the door. "It's time for your first patrol."

She took a deep breath, hoping it could somehow hold her upright, and followed him into the night.

Sue called out behind them, "Wait, where's my son?"

Sam glanced back, "I'll send him home soon. He'll be hungry. He can get a good night's sleep, but we'll need him on patrol after school tomorrow. "

"He's just a boy," Sue began, a pleading tone in her voice.

Sam sighed, "I know. They all are."

When they were sheltered by the trees, Leah waited for Sam to speak. She didn't know what to do with her arms, so she folded them over her chest. She stared at a spot over his shoulder. He cleared his throat. "I know this isn't the best time, and I really am sorry about your father. But there is no good time, and we need to get you up to speed."

"Can you let Seth go home, then?"

He nodded. "Yes." He pointed at a thick copse of firs. "I'm just going to…"

"Sure." She turned around to give him privacy, and spotted the trunk of a tree. A heart was carved into the bark, and it contained the letters "SU + LC". She abruptly turned her back on it, wishing she could go back in time and tell her younger self to stay away from Sam.

He coughed, and she realized he was once again human and clothed. "Oh. That's… Is that... ours?"

It made her sick that he had to ask. If he had already forgotten, why couldn't she? "Does it matter?"

"I guess..." He had no idea what to say.

"This isn't why you dragged me out here, is it?" she snapped. "I don't think ether one of us wants to take a stroll down memory lane."

"Of course not. We need to work on your shifting skills."

She couldn't think of anything less appealing than sharing headspace with Sam again. "Is it really necessary for us to do this together?"

"I can't ask someone else to cover another one of my shifts."

"So I'll wait until the next shift, then. I don't want to know what's going on in your brain, and you sure as hell don't want to know what's going on in mine."

He sounded exasperated. "Leah, we can't avoid each other forever. The community is too small, the reservation is too small, the pack is too small."

She insisted, "That doesn't mean we can't try! Or I can just go back to Pullman where I belong, and we never have to see each other again."

He actually looked momentarily hurt. "You don't mean that."

"Oh, but I do!"

He just shook his head. "You know it's not an option."

She gritted her teeth. There really was no point in fighting. "Fine. Then tell me what I'm doing out here."

"Good. You need to learn to control when you phase in and out. It's really strange at first, but it won't hurt, not like it did the first time."

"That's something, anyway," she said, although she wasn't sure she believed him. "But I still don't get it. I don't understand how."

"You have to get angry," Sam explained. "That's what makes you phase. That, or the sight or scent of a vampire. But seeing as I don't have one of those handy…"

"I just have to get properly pissed off?" At his nod, she said, "Well, that shouldn't be too hard."

"Just take your clothes off first. You don't want them to rip to shreds."

She gaped at him. "You can't be serious. I'm just supposed to get naked in the middle of the woods?"

This time it was he who turned around, placing his back to her. "Unless you want to ruin your clothes."

She froze while he waited, and she felt herself begin to tremble with anger. This couldn't possibly get more humiliating. When she realized that her embarrassment brought her wolf close to the surface, and that she was, indeed, about to phase, she angrily whipped off her clothes. Then she glanced up and realized that Sam had turned slightly, and he was peeking at her out of the corner of his eye. Then there was nothing she could have done to stop the change.

_What the hell?_ She yelled at Sam, but he hadn't yet phased in. She took a step toward him and growled menacingly.

She heard someone else's voice. It sounded like Jacob. _What's going on?_

_He was looking at me._ She showed him what had just happened.

As Sam moved further into the woods so that he could phase in privacy, Jacob inadvertently revealed what he had seen in Sam's mind earlier that day. He was tormented by Leah's accusation that he didn't see Emily as she actually was. He was angry that she had said anything to challenge him, but he was even more horrified when he went home only to realize that she was right. It was actually very difficult for him to tell. When he looked at Emily directly, he could see her scars for a moment at a time, but the image wavered. If he glanced down her body, he saw shifting pictures. It looked like she was expanding and contracting, very slightly, every time he blinked. He couldn't tell which image was true and which was false, or if reality was somewhere in between. It was only when he concentrated on something else and saw her out of the corner of his eye that she remained stable. It was hard to tell since he couldn't examine her directly, but it seemed that Leah was correct. She didn't look quite like he thought she did. That led him to wonder: if the person he thought he saw wasn't Emily, who was she? The fantasy body he had conjured looked very familiar. Could it belong to Leah, the woman he now remembered was once his great love?

By now he had phased in. He tried to explain, _I just wanted to know. Jake, you can go home. Thanks for covering._

_What?_ _Don't go! _Leah didn't want to be left alone with Sam.

But Jacob was long overdue to go home. _Sorry guys. My dad needs my help. I'll be on again tomorrow too._ And then he was gone.

Leah felt him disappear, and then there was no one else but Sam. He couldn't hide the fact that he was thinking about the way she looked and comparing her to the picture his mind. She couldn't believe his nerve. _Even if that was okay, which it isn't, even if I'd given you permission to look, which I didn't, it isn't going to tell you anything. My body's changed._

_Not that much, _he said.

She glared at him. _How would you know? You forgot me._

_That's not true, not entirely,_ he denied.

_Really?_ she argued. _I don't think you even remembered who I was when I phased in. I wouldn't have thought it was possible, not until it happened to us. We were together for years, Sam. Years. We meant something to each other._ She was saying more than she meant to, revealing the depths of her pain to the one person she wanted to hide it from the most. But she was bare for him.

_I know,_ he said despairingly.

She scoffed. _Bullshit. You forgot about me. I know that now. I still can't believe it, exactly, but it's the truth. Although I still don't understand how, and I definitely don't understand why. _

_I don't know either,_ he admitted. _But I'm beginning to understand that I really did not forget, not completely. I know It didn't happen all at once, all of a sudden. I remember some things from early on, right after the imprint, I remembered you then. Vividly. The memories... they slipped away somehow, after, but not completely. _

_What's that supposed to mean? You're not making any sense. Either you remembered me or you didn't. What happened when you still saw my dad around and knew he had a kid away from home? That Seth had an older sister out there somewhere? _

What she said was painfully accurate, at least during waking hours. He knew of her without recalling specifics. He struggled to explain. _It was a little like that. I knew who you were in a vague sense, but not who you were to me. _At night, however, the situation was entirely different.

In order to hide how deeply it stung, she said sarcastically, _Congratulations. Your amnesia is not complete._

_But that's not all,_ he said quietly. She saw hazy, half-complete, disjointed pictures in his mind: a pretty smile, soft skin, and sparkling brown eyes. She felt a fleeting but sweet sensation of warmth and contentment. She heard the echo of a beloved voice whispering in his ear. _I thought they were dreams._

She felt sick to her stomach. _But they were memories._

_Yes. Of you._

The part of her that was still in love with him wanted to be overjoyed, wanted to hope. She wondered if she could get him back. A few months ago, she would have taken a desperate chance and thrown herself at him. She would have humiliated herself if only he would listen. But the greater part of her that had started to move on was dismayed. She wasn't the same girl whose heart he had broken. She had lost nearly everything, but she still had her pride.

He knew he was supposed to be teaching her how to phase, outlining patrol routes and cementing her role as a protector. Instead he urged her, _Tell me. Tell me about us. Help me remember._

She wanted to. What they had was once innocent and pure, honest and true, passionate and loving, and it could have lasted a lifetime if imprinting had not intervened. She was certain of it, and though his mind was clouded, somehow, so was he. They had been happy. Very happy. But now they were broken, and she knew it was beyond repair. _Why? What's the point?_ She had already learned that they would not get their happily ever after, not in this life, and the past few days had only showed her that the best she could hope for was simply to survive. And even that felt ambitious.

_That was me. That life, it was mine. It was ours_, he said. He sounded so confused.

What was he doing? Hadn't he just spent the evening telling her that everything was different now? That their only purpose was to protect and serve, and that their lives were not their own any longer? _So? It isn't anymore, isn't that right?_

But he persisted, staring at her. _And you. You were mine. _Now she saw something flare in his eyes. But it wasn't the light she remembered. It was something much darker.

_Was,_ she emphasized. _I'm no one's possession. Do you understand? You might be able to order me around, but I don't belong to you or anyone else. _

He insisted, _But you did. You were mine, weren't you? You gave yourself to me._ He struggled to unearth a buried memory. The surrounding details were hazy and unclear, but the image was unmistakable. He saw her sleeping peacefully in her bed. She was young, her features still soft, and he found her utterly enchanting. Inevitably and without conscious thought, he had reached a hand out to tuck stray hair behind her ear. He remembered being more anxious than he had ever been, terrified even, but when she opened her eyes sleepily and smiled sweetly at him, all the awkwardness had faded away. From there, the memory slipped forward and back without warning. She saw flashes of smooth skin, the rise of her collarbone, the shell of her ear, her own eyes slipping shut, the taste of salt. It was new and overwhelming. Sam didn't understand it, and he felt the desperate need to know more. But she recognized it immediately, and she couldn't stop her corresponding memory from surfacing: it was their first time.

She was 15 and he was 16. They were in her bedroom. Harry and Sue had gone to Seattle for the weekend. Seth was at a friend's house. Her parents had been reluctant to let her stay by herself knowing that her boyfriend might have free reign of the house, but Sam was supposed to go on a camping trip with three other boys. He left as planned, but they hadn't counted on him sneaking back early and letting himself into the house. They didn't think he would crawl into her bed, that he would kiss her breathless, or that she would kiss him back just as fervently. Leah herself hadn't anticipated the way her clothes would feel binding in a way they never had before, how hot his skin would feel against hers, or that she would do anything he asked when he looked at her with such intensity in his eyes. She had no idea that anything could simultaneously hurt so badly and yet feel so overwhelmingly good.

As she remembered, it all came rushing back to Sam. The details became clear. It had been late, and he found her asleep in her bed. He had been anticipating this moment for a long time, but now that he was there, he hardly knew what to do. For a long time, he just looked at her. She was so pretty. It took the breath from his lungs and brought him down on his haunches, both in his memory and in his wolf body. _Look at you…_

_What are you doing? _she pleaded.

_I remember. You helped me remember. _He went on. He replayed the memory from start to finish. He remembered touching her cheek, tasting her lips, rolling her beneath him. He remembered their whispered words, the sound of her giggles, the promises they made to one another. He saw his own hands fumbling to remove her cotton pajamas, felt the way her fingers gripped his arms, knew she had tugged on his hair in a way that drove him crazy with lust. He recalled the way he thought he might die if he saw her naked, and then once he did, he was sure he had found heaven when he finally knew what it was like to be inside her. She had gasped as tears sprung to her eyes, and her pain was the only reason he didn't explode immediately. He had kissed the salt from her cheeks and whispered his love to her until she trembled beneath him with need instead of pain, and then he had finally started to move.

_Stop. Just stop,_ she begged. _Don't do this. There's no point._

_You were mine,_ he repeated in awe.

Her wolf bared its teeth and puffed up to her largest size. She advanced toward him where he was sitting in the dirt. _And I thought you were mine. But you're not anymore, and I'm not anymore. So unless you've got some way to turn back time and erase the last few months, just stop. _

He wanted to, and if they had been humans, he would have stopped speaking or changed the subject. But now that the memory had returned, he had no way to erase it again. _I don't know how. _

_Then at least leave me alone! Show me how to phase back so I can go, or you get out of my brain! _

_I have to patrol tonight. I told you that already. So I can't go anywhere._

_I'm here, _she pointed out. _I'll patrol. How hard can it be?_

_It's easy and boring until something happens, and trust me, you don't want to be out here on your own the first time something bad happens._

_So show me how to phase back!_

He agreed, _Fine._

And he tried. So did she. But something had happened. She had come back and she had brought her memories with her, and now he had access to them. They unlocked something in him, some door that the imprint had closed. Memory after memory was spilling out uncontrollably.

He tried to ignore them. _Think about how different grass feels under your feet than it does under your paws. _He saw her kicking off her shoes and running barefoot through the grass as he chased her behind the school. _Think about your human hands, about gripping things tightly, about how sensitive the tips of your fingers are. _He thought about holding her small hand in his large one. _Think about your human mouth, the way your teeth feel against your tongue, the movement of your lips to make words. _The lushness of her pink lips appeared. He had loved the curve of her sweet smile. _Focus on your human body. _The swell of her breasts appeared in his mind's eye.

_Jesus, Sam, stop it! That's not helping at all!_

_I know. I know. _He did, and he was ashamed. The imprint sent a wave of guilt washing through him, but it wasn't for the torture he was putting Leah through, it was for his attention to a woman other than Emily. _I've got an imprint. I've got no business thinking about anybody else._

_Emily? _she raged. _You're dragging me kicking and screaming down memory lane with you, and all you have to say is that Emily won't like it? Fuck you! _

She started to throw herself at him in her fury, but the pack mind suddenly shifted, and another part of the forest appeared before her eyes, disorienting her. She stumbled and Sam leapt out of her path. _What the hell are you guys doing?_ an irritable voice asked.

_Trying to get Leah to phase. It isn't going very well, _Sam explained.

Paul sarcastically responded, _Shocking. I wonder why that is. I can't imagine a better teacher for her than you. _

_What are you doing here? You're not on for hours. _Sam demanded coldly. He tried to mask how badly he had lost control of the situation by snapping at Paul.

_I'm being rudely interrupted. A little pup had the balls to barge in during a hot date and drag me out here. _Apparently Leah's brother was very unhappy to be sent home by Sam only to realize that his sister would be left alone with her ex. He had initially offered to stay himself, but Sam had refused. When Jacob got home, Seth was waiting to ask Jacob to return as a buffer, but Billy needed his assistance. He tried Embry's house, but no one was home. He thought Jared would only make things worse, so he knocked on Paul's door, where he found a slightly drunken blonde girl hanging off him. Paul had agreed to help, making a big show of how annoyed he was to be interrupted. What he hadn't told Seth was that he was relieved for the distraction. He had made the mistake of hooking up with Lauren Mallory at a house party a month before, and she hadn't left him alone since. Although she was an easy enough lay, he found her alternately tediously boring or unbearably irritating, and she wasn't nearly as good in bed as she thought she was.

Leah was startled by his unfiltered thoughts. _Is that any way to talk about your girlfriend?_

He laughed so hard he barked out loud. _Girlfriend? I don't think so. She's just some slut._

Leah recoiled at the summary judgement. Is this how all men talked about women, or just Paul? She once thought Sam was different, but apparently the only thing he remembered about her was the sex. _That's not true_, he bristled. _I loved you._ He somehow seemed startled that it was true.

She was terrified that he would start thinking about her again, exposing her once more to their brother. _Shut up, Sam. Don't go there._

_Oh, hey now,_ Paul exclaimed. _I did interrupt something, didn't I?_

_Yes! _Sam snapped.

Fearing Paul would leave, Leah answered, _No, nothing at all._

_Nothing, huh?_ Paul probed both their minds._ Doesn't look like nothing._

Sam answered irritably, _Stay out of it. It's not your business._

_Sure,_ Paul responded sarcastically. _It's no one's business but yours and Leah's. Oh yeah, and Emily's, isn't that right? _

Sam snarled, _Don't you say a word to her! You leave her out of this!_

Paul scoffed, _I think if she wanted to stay out of whatever's going on between the two of you, it's a little too late for that. Where does she think you are right now, anyway?_

_She knows I'm patrolling._

_She know you're patrolling with Leah?_ Sam silence was a clear answer. _Shit, you haven't even told her Leah phased, have you? You lied to her, didn't you?_

_I didn't lie! _Sam denied. _She just assumed it was Seth who phased._

_And you didn't fill her in on the rest,_ Paul deduced.

Sam tried to justify it. _I don't want to upset her. _

Leah questioned, _Why would me being here upset her? It's not like I matter to either one of you._

_She probably doesn't like to be reminded of what a homewrecker she is, _Paul muttered.

_Shut it, Paul! _Sam growled. He turned to Leah and told her, _That's not true. You're important to both of us. She loves you and she misses you._

_She has a funny way of showing me she loves me! _Leah exclaimed.

_Please understand. This has been difficult for her. You weren't the only one who lost something. She lost her best friend too._

Leah couldn't believe his audacity. _What did she expect? That I would just congratulate you? That I would just happily step aside? Emily and I weren't just two friends who had crushes on the same guy. You and I were engaged!_

_I know. And you two were best friends. She lost her best friend when this happened. _

Leah raged, _Do you expect me to feel bad for her or something?_

_It hasn't been easy on her, _Sam stubbornly persisted.

_It shouldn't be easy to take over someone's life!_ Leah snarled._ She's sleeping in my bed, in my house, with my fiancé. You think taking over someone else's existence is hard? Try losing it all, clawing your way out to find something else, and then having that all ripped away, just when you finally think things are getting better. And you want me to work up some sympathy for her? I haven't even buried my father yet!_

_I am sorry about that,_ Sam said sincerely. _Losing Harry is a big blow to everyone._

_You know, I don't really care how much of a loss he was to everyone else. We, his family, we were the ones who lost the most. Why can't you leave me alone to grieve in peace?_

_There's just no way to avoid each other, Lee Lee. _She winced at the nickname, and Sam found himself startled. He hadn't remembered calling her that before it slipped out of his mouth. Rather than examine it further, he said, _It's like I was saying before. This community is just too small. There are so few people that we can talk to about what we really are. Right now you're too volatile to be around other people, but eventually you'll have better control. I hope that when that time comes, you'll consider trying to be friends with Emily again. She misses you, and the two of you used to be so close._

Leah couldn't believe what Sam was asking. Not only was she supposed to accept that her life in Pullman was over, quit her job, drop out of school, isolate herself from other people, and dedicate her life to chasing monsters, she was forced to face Sam as both a pack brother and her Alpha, give up control to the man who had broken her heart, and now he wanted her to make nice with the friend she had believed would never betray her? It would have been laughable if it wasn't so painful. _I can't believe you're asking me that. But I should learn to stop being surprised by anything either one of you does._

Paul, too, thought it was a ridiculous idea. _Dude, are you high? Why do you think Leah would ever agree to that? And why do you think Emily would even want it? Shouldn't you tell her about Leah first?_

Sam stammered, _Of course I should. I will._

Paul had an idea. _Then you'd better hurry up if you want to give her the news yourself. Jared told me that Kim's planning on hanging out at your place tonight. If you don't get back there soon, Emily's going to hear it from her, and then she's going to wonder why you didn't tell her yourself._

_Shit._

By then, Paul had arrived in front of them. He faced Sam. _It isn't going to look good, you know. If she finds out from Kim, she's going to think you deliberately kept it from her._

Sam began to panic. _She can't think that. It'll hurt her feelings. I can't do that to her. _

Paul nodded his head in the direction of Sam's cabin. _Then I think you'd better get going. You want to catch Emily and talk to her before Kim gets there._

Sam looked back and forth between Leah and the forest._ I can't leave Leah out here to patrol by herself. She's not trained yet._

Paul sighed heavily._ You already ruined my night. If you take my weekend patrols this week, maybe I can cover._

Sam was too distracted by the potential of Emily's distress to notice that Paul was getting exactly what he wanted._ Yeah. Yeah, thanks. That way I can go talk to Em._

Leah was offended that he would abandon her so easily, but more than that, she was relieved. This version of Sam did nothing but hurt her. And she knew she was better off without him. He disappeared, and she suddenly felt lighter. She turned to Paul. _I'm sorry I interrupted your night. Especially since I know you were up really late with me yesterday, too. You must be exhausted by now. _

He flashed up an image of a half naked Lauren. _Hey, I wasn't exactly planning on sleeping much tonight anyway, you know?_

_Ugh, Paul. I don't want to see that. _Leah couldn't decide if she should laugh or be disgusted. She did both. It was certainly easier than thinking about Sam and Emily. _You're an absolute pig, aren't you?_

_No, baby. I'm the big, bad wolf._

Leah groaned. _Oh, god. That's terrible. What an awful joke. _

He smirked at her. _You wouldn't say that if you knew me better. I'm totally serious._

_That's worse!_

He leered at her. _Just ask Lauren. She'll tell you._

_So, she's not your girlfriend. Friend with benefits or something?_

He snorted. _Hardly. We're not exactly friends._

Leah frowned. _Do you even like this girl?_

_Meh. She's okay._ He shrugged his shoulders, and she chuckled at the sight. The movement was incongruous on his imposing form.

_Why do you hang out with her then?_

_Hey, mediocre sex is better than no sex. But she's not my girlfriend for a reason. Plus I'm not leading her on or anything. She doesn't think we're exclusive or even dating._

The entire concept of a casual sexual relationship was strange to Leah. She knew that it was commonplace, but she had spent her entire adolescence in love with one boy who had loved her back. To her, sex was intimate, personal, and loving. It made her wonder if Lauren thought that her relationship with Paul was as casual as he did. Either way, it was none of her business. _Huh. Well, thanks for getting rid of Sam. I don't think I could have taken another minute, let alone the rest of the night._

_No problem. He's got his head so far up Emily's ass. It's nice to be able to use that to my advantage for once._

She looked at him appraisingly. _You really like to screw with him, don't you?_

_It's one of my favorite hobbies._ Paul gave her a predatory grin. _He's a complete douche, and I can't stand how much he loves to throw around alpha orders. _

_I'm glad he's gone. But what do we do now?_

_I'll show you around a bit more. Come on. _He gestured with his snout. _Go that way. I'll show you the border again. It takes a while to get used to the forest enough to know where the invisible lines are, and you don't want to accidentally step over. I'm not sure if any of the Cullens are here right now, but we can see if we catch any of their scents._ As they trotted beside each other, she caught him examining her newly shorn coat. She could tell that he wanted to say something else, but he held it back. Instead he said, _Your fur looks good._

_Uh, thanks? And I am sorry to have interrupted your plans. _

_Don't sweat it. I'm not, and now I get my whole weekend free._ He gave her a sidelong glance and paused. _Do you have any plans?_

She spoke without thinking. _You mean besides going to my dad's funeral, quitting my job and dropping out of school to hunt vampires?_

_Okay, okay. Stupid question. _

He was quiet after that. It never occurred to her that he might have been hinting something when he asked about her weekend.

X-x-x-x-X

A/N: Thanks again to Babs81410, my lovely beta.


	8. Boundaries

Leah didn't know if the funeral lasted twenty hours or twenty minutes. It didn't really matter either way. She spent the entire service staring at a photograph of Harry and trying not to phase. She and Seth nearly broke each other's hands gripping tightly to each other. Several people said nice things about her father, but she didn't hear them. All she heard were the uneven sounds of her mother sniffling and her brother's shaky breaths. She didn't know why, but she didn't cry. At some point Rachel, who came home for the service, tugged her to her feet, and the girls held each other tightly. Rachel told her not to worry about their rent, the rest of the school year, or finding a subletter, and she was grateful. Then a succession of people shook her hand and told her how sorry they were. She nodded blankly at them, barely registering the blur of faces in front of her, until she saw Emily approach. Rachel stiffened beside Leah as her cousin gave Sue an awkward hug and peered at her over Sue's shoulder. Leah stared back, too numb to muster up any kind of reaction. After Sue released her, Emily started to move forward toward Leah and Seth, but Sam pulled her back, whispering in her ear that it wasn't safe. Emily obediently retreated as Sam kissed her hair, pushed her behind him, and cleared his throat and told them how sorry they were. Leah looked past him into her father's open casket and said nothing. She was probably supposed to be angry that Sam didn't think she could control herself, jealous that they were flaunting themselves in front of her, or bitter that they had had the audacity to talk to her. Instead all she felt was emptiness.

She wasn't sure how she got from the funeral home to the cemetery. She didn't hear Billy's blessing as her father was lowered into the ground. When someone handed her a rose to throw onto the grave, she didn't feel it when a thorn pierced the skin of her palm, and she didn't notice how quickly the wound closed over. She didn't register the cold drops landing on her skin when it began to rain. She didn't hear Charlie Swan ask her to get into her mother's car, and it didn't register when Paul pulled her toward it, nor did she hear it when he told her that he had liked Harry before shutting the car door. She wasn't sure how many people came back to their house. She didn't eat any of the food that was offered to her. She slipped up the stairs, closed her door, and lay down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She didn't bother to kick off her black pumps. All she heard was the sound of blood rushing through her ears.

For some reason, she couldn't fall asleep for hours. She wasn't dwelling on anything; her mind was oddly blank. She was more tired than she had ever been. By eleven PM, the house was quiet and dark. But she stared at the clock until three AM.

The next morning, she wished her insomnia had lasted longer. She only had one dream, but it replayed over and over: Harry collapsing, gasping for air, and clutching at his chest, staring at her in horror the entire time.

The next day she was scheduled for patrol at seven AM. She woke at six feeling more tired than she had before she went to sleep. But the thought of facing the dream again made her nauseous, so she got out of bed and waited for her shift to start. Someone had left half a coffee cake on the table. Her father loved coffee cake. She left the house without taking a single bite, and she stepped out into the rain.

Sam was quiet when she phased in. They greeted each other carefully, and he told her that he would be leaving as soon as Embry arrived. Eventually she might patrol alone, but for now he wanted her and Seth to have partners. He concentrated on the path in front of him as he ran, and she headed for the water. She tried not to read his mind, but it was like trying to ignore someone shouting directly into her ear. Thankfully he wasn't thinking about her or Emily; he was trying to remember his father, who had left years before and never returned.

_Do you remember him? _Sam asked.

Leah did. As children they practically lived at one another's houses. She recalled Joshua vividly. Sam looked just like him. He was handsome, athletic, and charming when he wanted to be, but she had always been intimidated by him, because it wasn't often that he wanted to be charming, at least not to children. But Sam had worshipped him, vying for his father's attention, seeking his approval, and wanting more time than he was willing to give. Leah remembered him, but not fondly. _Of course._

_I don't, not much anyway_. Leah found that hard to believe, or she would have before she found out that Sam hardly remembered her either. He continued, _I was thinking about your dad, and I realized that I remember him way better than my own father._

_Well, he's been around, so I guess that's not surprising__._

_Yeah, but I think it's more than that. I mean, I can see that you remember details about my dad that I had forgotten. Why is that? Why can't I remember?_

She sighed. _Sam, I don't think I'm the right person to talk to about this, do you?_ If anything, she wished she could wipe her memory as clean as he seemed to have done.

_Who else can I ask?_

_I don't know, your mom?_

_She doesn't understand. She doesn't get why I don't remember things I should know. _

_I don't understand either._

_I know, but I don't have anyone else to ask, and you know more than she does._

_Not about your dad. _She sighed in resignation. _What do you want to know?_

The most important question, the one she could not answer, simmered under the surface. No one could tell him why Joshua had left. What he actually asked was, _What was he like?_

_It depended on his mood, I guess._ She showed him memories he had once held dear, memories which he later consciously tried to block out after his father abandoned him. She showed him the way Joshua had taught him to throw a baseball, bought them ice cream, and expertly grilled steak.

_Regular dad stuff, huh? _Sam noted.

_Sometimes._

_And the rest of the time?_

She shifted uncomfortably. What was she supposed to tell him? That his father was moody, neglectful, even cruel? That Sam had idolized him as a child, but Joshua had never been worthy of such adoration? That once he had left, he had never looked back? _I don't think he was too interested in fatherhood._

A knot formed in his stomach, but he ignored it. _You were there, weren't you?_

_Sometimes,_ she repeated. She didn't know what else to tell him.

_Most of the time?_

_I guess. You were at my house more than I was at yours._

As soon as she spoke the words, she was afraid she would stimulate another unwanted conversation about their past. He started to say, _I think I remember…_

Thankfully, Embry chose that moment to phase in. _Hi, guys. Any activity tonight?_

Sam answered,_ Quiet so far._

Embry answered, _I can't decide if I want it to stay that way or not. These patrols can get pretty damn boring._

Leah thought that being bored was the very least of her problems. She didn't exactly relish the idea of facing down a hostile vampire, which likely would mean a battle to the death. She was as interested in killing as she was in dying. Embry picked up on her hesitation. He was used to being teased by his brothers about his own reluctance toward violence. They called him a pansy or a wuss. It didn't help that he had been the smallest before the Clearwaters phased. He was quicker than Jared, but his build was slighter. He wasn't as fierce a fighter as Paul, nor was he the strategist that Jared was. Sam had the most experience, and Jacob, despite his youth and inexperience, had the most natural aptitude toward their unique set of skills. He was glad to give up his place at the bottom of the pack hierarchy, and he looked forward to establishing dominance over another wolf. _This is probably why there were never female wolves before. I hope you're up for the job._

_I'll be ready, _she replied defensively.

_You getting the hang of phasing yet? Have you done any sparring? Learned how to track? _Embry challenged.

_Not yet, _she admitted.

_Sam, _Embry asked, _are you sure she can handle this? That redheaded leech has been all up in our stuff as it is, and that's with an experienced pack chasing her down. Am I safe with her watching my back?_

Sam didn't defend her at all. _What do you suggest? That I pull a triple shift and stay? That I ask Paul and Jake to do doubles again? We're spread too thin already. Besides, it's not all bad. Leah's going to be covering nights, which means you can actually get some sleep this week. _

_Wait, I am? _she protested. _The schedule you gave me had seven days straight on it, day shifts. You said it was so the boys could go to school._

_I was originally going to take nights, _Sam explained, _but Em doesn't like to sleep alone. So you've got nights for the next two weeks. _

Nausea rolled through Leah's belly. Everything was about Emily, wasn't it? _And I know you said I'd have more shifts because you're making me drop out of school, but every night and no days off for two weeks? That's not fair! That's way more than anyone else…_

_Except me, _Sam pointed out. _We all have to do our duty. None of us has a choice. Now it's time for me to go home. Embry, show Leah how to track. There's a scent trail left behind from the last time the redheaded leech trespassed. It's old and degraded, but it'll do for practice. _

And then he was gone. Embry waited for Leah to join him along the northern border of their territory. He knew how irritated she was at the schedule she had been given. _At least by the time you got here, there are seven of us. When I first phased in, there were only four. You should consider yourself lucky. _

He was referring to the way they could split shifts between more protectors, but Leah could find no silver lining to the black cloud hanging over her head, particularly since half the shifts were hers. _Right. Lucky. _Sarcasm laced her tone.

_At least you're not isolated, _he pointed out, although she would have given anything to be alone in her brain again. _Sam was alone for months. Do you have any idea what that was like for him? _

_He wasn't alone! _she growled. She remembered those months vividly, and in some ways, better than Sam himself. Once he returned from his self-imposed exile, they had clung to each other. Even though she didn't know what was going on, she gave him her unconditional love and support. They had been best friends, and she had done her very best to care of him. In the end, he was the one who chose not to tell her anything, who deemed her worthless enough to drop without a second look, but she knew he had been happy with her before Emily came along.

_Yeah, but he had no pack. Had no imprint. _Embry had not known either Sam or Leah well prior to joining the pack. He only knew Sam's past from what Sam remembered, and Sam remembered only Emily. _It was different, after. It sucks what happened to you, but after he imprinted on her, he could tell her everything, talk freely. He could be open with someone. Not all of us have that, you know. You've got your brother by your side. Your mom knows what's going on. Do you know how amazing that is? How lucky you are?_

From his old life, the only person who knew Embry's secret was Jacob. His mother was not allowed, nor any of his other friends. For him, the other pack members were his only support system, and he was jealous that Leah's family knew what was going on but his did not. But Leah knew that the cost of that knowledge was far too high, and the last thing she felt was lucky. _She knows because I exploded in front of her! Seth is only in the pack because I phased in front of him and scared him half to death! He wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for me. It's not a good thing that either of them know. It's not a good thing that I gave my dad a heart attack turning into this thing!_

_That's not what I meant, _Embry insisted. _I'm just saying you should count your blessings, is all. _

_I had a lot of blessings before this happened! _she told him. _But now my dad is gone, I'm not allowed to see my friends, and my future has disappeared. If I'm keeping a running tally, I'm pretty sure that means I've got almost nothing left. _

Embry bristled, _Yeah, well, you're not the only one who's lost something here. My mom thinks I'm a delinquent because I can't tell her where I'm going all the time. I'm grounded until I'm thirty, and I have to sneak out of the house just to patrol. I've had to quit everything I was doing except school in order to patrol, but I can barely keep that up. My grades are slipping. I can't stay awake in class. Other than Jake, my other friends think I'm a dick for ditching them. It hasn't been a cakewalk for me either. _

_This is just sheer misery, isn't it? It doesn't get better, does it? _she asked plaintively.

He would never have said it out loud, but he couldn't help her from hearing him think that she wasn't making things any better. He wished he hadn't been paired with her for the day's patrol.

Likewise, she couldn't filter her response. _Pretty sure none of the shit that's ruining your life is my fault. _

_I never said it was, _he snapped. _It goes both ways, you know._ To himself, he thought she was a whiny bitch, particularly compared to Emily, who cooked and cared for the pack without complaint. He didn't mean to say the words to Leah, and if they were in human form, he never would have let the sentiment escape his lips. But she felt them as surely as if he had branded her with them. And she could think of few things as painful as being unfavorably compared to the woman who had taken her fiancé.

_You bastard! You don't even know me. _

Leah didn't mean anything specific by the insult. She lashed out with a generic epithet. But Embry was especially sensitive about being called a bastard. His mother had never told him who his father was, and he had always felt stigmatized by it. He had grown up hearing that he wasn't Quileute and that he didn't belong. Joining the pack had been a total surprise, not only to him, but also to his brothers, who were watching for signs that Jacob, Quil, and Seth would phase, but had totally overlooked him. _Don't call me that! _

_If you don't want me calling you a bastard, don't call me a bitch!_

Again, the unfiltered pack mind served them badly. In real life, Embry would have kept his response to himself. But the psychic link made it impossible. _Look at yourself. You are literally a bitch! _

Leah hated it. She hated that he called her a bitch, and she hated how true it was. _Stop it. For god's sake. Stop it. Can't you just leave me alone? _she begged. _You don't want to be here and I don't want you here either. _

_Where am I supposed to go? My shift isn't up for twelve hours. Jesus, I thought it would be easier with a bigger pack, but this is worse. I'll take the extra shifts any day._

_Trust me, _she answered. _I wish I could turn back time and somehow keep myself from turning into this monster. But I can't. So just get out of here. Phase out. Go home. I'll do this patrol by myself. _

_But Sam said…_

_Who cares what Sam said? _She was exasperated. _Before Seth and I showed up, did you do all your patrols in pairs?_

_All of them? There was no way. There were only four of us. It was impossible._

Despite her temper, she did feel bad for him. He might not be suffering from grief in the same way that she was, but his transformation hadn't been easy on him either. _So get out of here, _she urged. _Go home. I'll do this shift by myself. Spend the day with your mom or something. She thinks you're off getting in trouble? Go show her you're not some juvenile delinquent. _

_You serious? _He was skeptical. _What if something happens? You honestly think you're prepared to deal with it?_

_Of course not, but were you the first time you did a solo patrol? Did preparation help you the first time you faced a vampire? _

_No, _he admitted. _It was basically all instinct. The harder thing actually isn't chasing and taking down a vamp. For that all you have to do is let your wolf take over. The harder thing is knowing when to stop, when not to attack._

She asked, _You mean the Cullens? I'm not supposed to attack the Cullens._

_Yeah, not unless they trespass on our lands._

She flashed their faces up one by one. She had learned their faces quickly though she had never met any of them. She didn't have good control over the transition between her human body and her animal one, nor could she control her temper. But neither of those things was necessary to fight a vampire. _So just don't attack any of them, right?_

_Yeah, _Embry agreed. _Victoria's supposed to die, but the Cullens aren't. Run the border, stay out of sight of humans, and howl for backup if you see anything out of the ordinary. That's pretty much it. _

_I think I can handle it, _Leah told him. _Go home._

Embry wasn't just tempted by the prospect of an afternoon off, he was exhausted, and he wasn't exactly enjoying her company. But he wasn't supposed to leave. _I don't know…_

Now she simply begged. If he stayed, they would probably be at each other's throats by the end of the shift. Until she grew a thicker skin, she needed to keep her distance from her packmates' callous thoughts, and she had to figure out a way to hide her own thoughts from them. _Please. I just want it to be quiet for a little while. _

_Yeah. I get that._

_Then will you go?_

He decided. _I'll be listening, okay? Howl if you need anything. I'll come._

As it turned out, she didn't need him. Nothing happened. She was careful to avoid populated areas, and she moved silently and carefully when it was necessary to approach normal humans. No one saw her. She faithfully ran the border, and she even found and followed the last trail that Victoria had left when she violated their territory. Her wolf knew the scent and needed no education.

Of course, Sam wouldn't see it that way. As soon as Jared phased in, he asked about Embry, and she realized he would tattle to Sam at the first opportunity. He did so, and Sam was furious. It didn't matter that nothing happened. He chastised Embry for neglecting his duty and abandoning his post. He was alarmed because Embry had never been cause for trouble before. He expected Paul to give him problems, but not Embry. Embry was humiliated, and he blamed Leah for convincing him to leave. Sam, too, laid the bulk of the blame at her feet. He was afraid that the others would think he favored her since they had once been so close, so he decided to be harder on her than anyone else. She felt trapped, and there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

During her waking hours Leah was tormented with memories. Sometimes she was able to find distraction, but none of it was good. Learning to control the transitions between her two forms was difficult. She had gotten very used to being competent, even exceptional, at whatever she tried, but this did not come naturally. She ran swiftly in her animal body, but that seemed to be her only strength. She was smaller than her brothers, weaker, and had the poorest control. The more she learned about her role as a protector, the more frustrated she became. Although there were a few advantages, fast healing, strength, power, speed, and halted aging, each adaptation only existed for a terrible reason. They only needed to heal quickly because they were so likely to be badly injured. They were only strong so they could withstand the assaults of vicious monsters. They were only powerful so that they could kill. They were only fast because the creatures they pursued moved at supernatural speeds. They only stopped aging so that they could serve the tribe indefinitely. The more she learned, the more she hated what she had become.

She also couldn't acclimate to staying awake all night long. She patrolled from seven in the evening until seven the next morning, night after night after night. By two or three in the morning, she was tired, and by the time her shift ended, she dragged herself home. She often said hello to Seth in passing as he left for school; her mother was usually already gone. The house felt even emptier than it was. The only thing that kept her from falling directly into bed was her hunger. She ate breakfast every day staring at Harry's empty chair. After breakfast she showered to keep herself from rendering her sheets filthy. She was always exhausted, but her brain didn't seem to understand that it was time to sleep. She tossed and turned, dozing intermittently. The daylight disturbed her rest, and if by some chance she managed to fall into a deep sleep, she dreamt of her father. Sometimes he was youthful and smiling, his hair black and his face unlined, and so, so large that she knew she must be small. He would toss her into the air as she squealed with laughter. Other times he was slightly older, crow's eyes had formed, and he didn't seem quite so large, but his smile was the same. He patiently helped her with her homework, warmly called her his princess, or grinned at her while she squirmed as he showed her how to clean a freshly caught fish. Every dream started off pleasant or happy. But they all ended the same, with gasping, terrified eyes, and death. She woke with her heart pounding and a silent scream at her lips, confused when she didn't hear a howl from her throat.

Sue provided some solace, but she herself was overwhelmed. She found comfort in her work, so she picked up extra shifts. She achieved a sense of accomplishment from working with patients, plus the loss of Harrys' income would not be replaced by his insurance claim, and she still had to pay the bills and wanted to send both her children to college. She knew she would have to work more in order to afford it. So Leah might go days without seeing her mother. Seth also grieved for his father in his own way. He couldn't walk through the vestibule of their house without envisioning his father collapsing on its floor, and he started to avoid it. Then he started avoiding the house altogether. After school, he didn't want to disturb his sleeping sister during her few hours of rest, and he didn't like sitting in the house listening to her cry in her sleep, so he spent most of his free time with one of his friends or packmates.

Because of this, Leah might go days on end without seeing anyone except her patrol partners, and they didn't hide the fact that they found her exasperating. Prior to her arrival, they had already felt stretched past of their limits. They had hoped that Seth's potential transformation might allow more distribution of patrols, but they had not anticipated his sister. They didn't know what to do with her, and they were completely unprepared for the depths of her pain.

Pack relations were tense in a way they had never been before. No one wanted to patrol with her, but neither did Sam trust her to patrol alone, or that was what he said in order to cover up his protective instinct toward her. He couldn't stand the idea of her facing a vampire by herself. In fact, he didn't want her to face a vampire at all. He overcompensated for the urge by going overboard and giving her a disproportionate number of shifts. He wanted her to have a patrol partner and would have preferred that partner to be himself, but she couldn't stand his presence in her mind. On the occasions when no one else was available, she had no choice to but to accept his invasion. She despised seeing into his brain and that he could see into hers, so she pretended to be as cold and unfeeling as possible to discourage him from paying attention to her. He saw right through the facade, of course, which only made her angry.

She had no idea what to do except beg for other partners. But they didn't want her. Embry didn't want to be anywhere near her. Jacob sided with his best friend and decided she was a bitch. But avoiding each other was impossible, and they eventually came to an uneasy truce, and when she patrolled with either one of them, she would do her best to stay as silent as possible, as would they. She didn't consider either one of them friends, far from it, but it was tolerable. She and Jared were completely unable to get along. In some ways he was worse than Sam, who, underneath it all, held the tenderest of feelings for her. Jared simply hated the way she challenged his faith in his imprint and thus hated her. He prattled on about Kim's virtues, or Emily's. He was thoughtlessly cruel, and in return she became defensive, and her reputation as the pack bitch only grew. Seth feared he would be ostracized if he made his allegiance to her known, and tried to remain as neutral as possible. They were able to get along with each while patrolling, but Sam wanted them each paired with a more experienced wolf and did not usually schedule them together.

Since no one else wanted to patrol with her, that left Paul. He, too, thought she was bitchy, irritating, and depressing. More than that, though, he also thought she was intriguing, fascinating, and sexy as hell.

A few nights into her new life, she left her house in the evening to find him waiting for her at the edge of the woods. He was leaning against the trunk of a tree and smirking at her. "Hey, Clearwater."

"Hey. What are you doing here?" They would patrol together that night, but there was no reason for him to show up in person. Their psychic connection made meeting largely unnecessary.

He shrugged. "Waiting for you. Waiting until the last possible moment to phase in."

"Oh, you don't like all the voices in your head, either?"

Paul shook his head. "No, actually I don't mind that. I've got nothing to hide, you know?"

"You mean you have no shame?" She thought of his unfiltered, testosterone-fueled stream of consciousness. He never even pretended to hold back.

"I do not. I'm proud of everything I've got, baby." He laughed. "But as for tonight, the longer I wait to show up, the more pissed off our high and mighty alpha is going to get. And if he sees that I came to get you first, that'll piss him off even more."

She smiled. "You really like to do that, don't you?"

"I normally like more of a challenge. It's just too easy to make him mad. But I'm not going to pass up any opportunity that comes my way, not when that prick is involved."

She cocked her head at him. "Why is that? What do you have against him?"

He pushed himself away from the tree. "Are you honestly asking me that? For real?"

She clarified, "Well, I know why he makes me crazy. But I'm not sure what that has to do with anyone else. All the other guys seem pretty convinced that he's a damn good alpha, and I'm just…" She let the rest of the sentence trail off. She wasn't trying to garner sympathy.

"Your right about him. It used to be he seemed to have his head screwed on straight, but not anymore. And if those other losers can't see it, it's because they're not paying enough attention. Knowing what you know, all that stuff from his past that he's forgotten, the stuff that's coming back in bits and pieces, it's so obvious that there are holes. His brain's like Swiss cheese. How can that be a good thing in a leader?"

"That is kind of scary," she admitted.

"Kind of? Try really fucking terrifying. This is a guy who doesn't hesitate to throw out alpha orders left and right. Orders you can't dispute, no matter how senseless they are."

She asked, "Does he have a habit of doing that?"

Paul knew well enough not to remind her that Sam had ordered her to phase into her human body in front of everyone, leaving her naked and huddling on the ground. "He forgets how literal the orders are. Once he ordered me to keep my mouth shut because I said something to piss him off. Sure, it kept me from saying some other obnoxious thing to him, which was what he wanted. But it also meant I literally couldn't open my mouth. I couldn't talk to my dad or eat anything until he lifted the order."

The corner of her lip turned up, and her eyes twinkled. "Are you sure he didn't say that on purpose? Maybe it wasn't as thoughtless as you think."

He grinned back at her, hoping the pretty smile on her face would remain. "Okay, maybe. But that sounds more like something I would do than he would do. It would have been funny if it was intentional. But I swear, Sam does not have a sense of humor. Not at all."

Her face fell, and she looked off into the distance. "That doesn't sound like Sam." The Sam she remembered was goofy and funny and loved to laugh.

"He's changed. You know that already."

"Did the wolf do that to him?" Her own transformation seemed to have robbed her of her joy as well.

Paul frowned. "I don't think it's the wolf. At first he wasn't like this."

He was right. She remembered. Even after he disappeared and returned so different than before, hard and huge and sometimes so very serious, he was still playful and sweet and silly with her until the day he saw Emily. "So what happened? He's just a totally different person."

"He changed after he imprinted," Paul confirmed. "His inner asshole emerged."

"Did that happen to Jared too?"

"Well, he changed, but not as much. He thinks the sun shines out of Kim's ass, which is really fucking weird considering that he thought she was boring before, but he hasn't had a full personality transplant or anything. Not like Sam. And his memory isn't all messed up, either."

"Huh. Why do you think that is? What's the difference?"

"Hell if I know." He shrugged. "None of this makes any sense, that's all I can say. I just hope it doesn't happen to me."

"No? Having your perfect match fall directly into your lap doesn't sound nice?"

He snorted. "You couldn't possibly have fallen for that line of bullshit. You know why they're perfect matches? It's because the guy molds himself into whatever the girl wants. She says jump; he doesn't even ask how high. He just knows and does it. He does whatever she wants, whenever she wants, however she wants, and then he gets on his knees and thanks her for the privilege. That's not perfect. It's slavery. And I like being a free man."

Her eyes widened. "You really think that's what it is?"

He shrugged. "I admit, I don't have that much to go off of. But look at Jared and Kim. Kim crushed on him for years. She decided he was the one along time ago. Then he imprinted, and now she's got him. And yeah, he went from thinking she was a nobody to thinking she's the center of the universe, and that's a big difference, trust me, but otherwise he hasn't had a complete lobotomy like Sam has. But you've seen him. You know better than the rest of us what he used to be like. This guy? This is a different guy. I saw it too. The Sam that you remember, the one that you were with, he's gone. This dumb fuck took his place. And it happened overnight." Paul snapped his fingers. "When he imprinted, it was like a bodysnatcher got him or something. My theory on why Jared changed a little but Sam changed a lot: Kim basically liked Jared the way he was, only she wanted him to pay attention to her, so after he imprinted, he did. Emily wanted something else, or someone else. An asshole, apparently." Leah couldn't help but snicker at his assessment. "So he turned into an asshole. I don't want that to happen to me. I don't want some random chick to have that power over me."

It was an amusing theory, but she wasn't sure she bought it. "But why would she want him to turn into a jerk? It doesn't make any sense."

Paul shrugged. "Hell if I know. Give me a leech to kill any day. But an imprint? No thank you."

They heard a rustle behind them. Sam appeared. Leah wondered how much of their conversation he had overheard. If his scowl was any indication, he heard too much. "What are you guys doing?"

Paul answered bluntly, "Just talking shit about you."

"You're late." Sam sighed.

Paul rolled his eyes. "Don't get your panties in a wad. We're here."

Leah avoided making eye contact with Sam. She stepped behind a wide oak to undress. Behind her, she heard Sam snarl, "What the fuck are you doing?"

She turned to see Paul craning his neck, blatantly trying to catch her unclothed. Sam was looking back and forth between them. "What do you think I'm doing? Any red blooded straight male would do the same."

"Get your eyes off her!"

Paul snorted. "Like you don't do the exact same thing when she can't see you. Like you weren't doing the same thing just now."

"I was not!" Sam lied. "Besides," he gloated. "I've seen it all before."

Before Leah could formulate an answer, Paul retorted, "So have I."

Sam tried to punch the smirk off his face, but Paul just laughed and wiped the blood from his nose before launching himself at Sam. Suddenly two wolves took their places in a ball of fur, snapping teeth, and tearing claws.

"Stop it!" Leah hissed. She didn't mind seeing Paul take a chunk out of Sam, but they were too close to a residential area, and they were much too conspicuous. "Someone's going to see you!" But they weren't listening. She almost tried to move between them but knew she would get torn apart, so she quickly phased in. _Stop it!_

_You arrogant fuck!_ Paul ignored her and yelled as he tried to bite at Sam's shoulder.

Sam jumped away. _Pervert! You've got no right!_

_You guys are going to get spotted! You're going to get us caught! _Leah yelled. But they weren't paying attention.

Paul swiped out a paw and managed to gouge Sam's front leg. _No, you're the one with no right. _

_I'm the Alpha of this pack. Everything you do is my business. _Sam rammed his head into Paul's chest, sending him backward.

_This isn't pack business and you know it! _Paul righted himself and aimed for Sam.

Leah kept yelling, _We're too close to the houses! I can see into Mrs. Johnson's kitchen from here. Move back!_

But they were too wrapped up in their own fight to notice. Paul tried to get a grip on Sam's neck as he yelled, _You can't stand the idea that someone else might be interested in her. _But Sam slipped out of his grasp and rolled away.

Leah realized they wouldn't stop until one of them was unconscious. She looked for an opening.

_That has nothing to do with it! _Sam snapped, but they all knew it wasn't true. He got to his edged toward them.

Paul crouched and growled, _She's not yours anymore._

Sam lost it. _Of course she is! _He flung himself at Paul. But Leah had moved between them to keep them apart, and he slammed into her side, throwing her into the dirt. He couldn't stop his momentum and landed on her. Pain lanced through her the impact.

_Fuck! Get off me! Get the fuck off me! _She bucked and thrashed until he stumbled away.

_Oh my god, Lee Lee! I'm so sorry!_

_Haven't I heard that before? _She righted herself.

Sam lowered his tail between his legs and lowered his head. _I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?_

_I'm fine, _she snapped.

Paul pointed out, _Except you're bleeding. _A laceration had opened where Sam's claws tore into her side.

_It's just a scratch. _It actually hurt terribly. It was the worst injury she had ever experienced. She knew it would close in a matter of minutes, but it still felt like she had been ripped open, because she had been. _We've got to get further into the woods. Someone's going to see us. The sun hasn't even set yet. _She turned her back on them and moved toward a thick grove of trees.

Sam and Paul trotted after her. Sam kept trying to apologize. _I didn't mean to do that, I swear. I'm so sorry. Let me take a look._

_It's nothing. _

_It's not nothing. Let me look! Don't move. _Without realizing it, he had made it into an order. She froze in place as he approached her. Her fur covered the wound, so he nudged at the matted strands with his nose, trying to move them out of the way. He instinctively reached out his tongue to lap at the blood.

She willed her limbs to carry her away, or better yet, to swipe her claw at his face. But she couldn't do anything. Luckily, Sam hadn't silenced her. _Don't do that! Don't touch me!_

Paul approached them and growled. It was a dark and frightening sound that would have terrified her if she didn't know what it was. _Step away, Sam. Lift the order and back away before I make you._

Sam turned to glare at Paul. _As if you could make me._

_Try me. Please, _Paul taunted.

_Just stop! _Leah pleaded. _You're making this so much worse. It's closing already, okay? It'll be gone in a matter of seconds. _

_I have to make sure you're okay, _Sam told her.

Paul pointed out sarcastically,_ And then you'll go home to your imprint, who will be thrilled to find out that not only have you been out here sneaking peeks at your naked ex, you're getting in her space when she's asking you not to, and you're licking her, no less. Emily will love that__._

The reminder of his imprint was like a splash of cold water in his face. Sam stumbled backward and away from both of them. _It's not like that. _

_The hell it's not, _Paul said. _Look, you go home to her now and leave us alone to patrol in peace, and I won't tell her that you were out here saying that Leah is still yours._

Sam was about to argue, but Leah stopped him. She was exasperated with him and with the entire situation. She wished she never had to see him again. _Just go, Sam. Go home to Emily. Go home and forget about all this._

He looked at her and knew that there was no point in staying. He could argue with Paul until he was blue in the face. He could order compliance. He could punish the insubordinate wolf. But Leah wasn't going to forgive him, not for the gash in her side, not for everything else he had done. _You can move again. I'm sorry, Lee Lee._

_So? _she asked.

_You may not believe me, but I really am. _He turned tail and disappeared.

She sighed and sat on her haunches. She tried to examine the wound, but she couldn't see it well. _At least it'll be gone soon. This is exhausting. And still twelve hours to go._

_Look at the bright side. You get to spend all twelve of those hours with me!_

Despite herself, she laughed. _I should be grateful, huh?_

_I am God's gift to women, after all. _He was only half joking.

She snorted. _I'll believe it when I hear that from a woman, not from you._

_Hey, baby. I'll show you myself. Anytime._

She laughed again as if it was just a joke. But she could see into his mind, and she knew he wasn't, not really. _Are you actually hitting on me while I'm bleeding? Does this really seem like a good time?_

He grinned at her. His teeth looked very sharp. _That depends. Is it working?_

_No! I'm only bleeding because I had to break up your stupid fight, and watching you get into some kind of pissing contest with Sam wasn't particularly attractive._

He let the rejection roll off his back. _That's okay, I'll try again later._

_What? That's not what I meant! And another thing: you kind of did have it coming with that peeping Tom shit! I've got no interest in Sam defending my so-called honor, but I'll gladly defend my own! I can't believe you were trying to sneak a peek!_

He just shrugged again. _What can I say? When something so fine is in my line of vision, I just can't help but stare. _

Leah rolled her eyes. _Oh my god. Do awful lines like that really work on anyone? _

_You tell me. _He was still leering at her.

_In your dreams, Lahote. _She sounded annoyed, but they both knew she was also flattered. _Come on. Let's patrol. _

He followed her, laughing.

X-x-x-x-X

A/N: Thanks again to my beta, Babs81410.


End file.
